IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think that schools should invest more money in technology, such as more computers, while others think more money should be spend on teacher. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Technology and
teachers
Use synonyms
 have been playing big roles in school life. It is thought by some individuals that more money ought to be invested by schools,
while
Linking Words
 there are others who consider
to spend
Wrong verb form
spending
show examples
 more money on
teachers
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 essay advocates that schools should use their incomes to
possess
Verb problem
purchase
show examples
 technological equipment rather than expand for
teachers
Use synonyms
. On the one hand, technology
provides
Verb problem
enables
show examples
 children to
enable
Verb problem
access
show examples
 a lot of information
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
quick
Replace the word
quickly
show examples
way
Check wording
apply
show examples
. The reason is that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 people who produce books and
academical
Replace the word
academic
show examples
 papers load almost every educational book in the virtual area, and they can be used with many innovative tools,
such
Linking Words
 as
tables
Use the right word
tablets
show examples
, computers and smart screens.
In addition
Linking Words
, a group of technological devices assist children to create many images in their minds because some high-technology products provide to
be seen
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
numerous
number of
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
problematic topics
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
three dimensional
Use the right word
three-dimensional
show examples
 views. Virtual glasses and smart projection devices can be exemplified. With these tools,
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 can see many objects like
bacterias
Fix the agreement mistake
bacteria
show examples
, viruses and stars, and they can understand the meaning more logically.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
teachers
Use synonyms
 are important to be learned some knowledge because some information can be taught by tutors more effectively.
For instance
Linking Words
,
mathematic
Replace the word
mathematics
show examples
 and foreign languages. Two lessons are more theoretical and can be understood with
face-to-face
Correct article usage
the face-to-face
show examples
 technique.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
teachers
Use synonyms
 are essential to be role
model
Fix the agreement mistake
models
show examples
 during
growth
Correct article usage
the growth
show examples
 of children since
pupil
Fix the agreement mistake
pupils
show examples
 try to resemble someone
if
Change preposition
apply
show examples
they find appealing
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 some civilians think that schools should spend more money on
teachers
Use synonyms
, I firmly believe that more
currency
Check wording
funding
show examples
 should be
exploited
Verb problem
allocated
show examples
 to buy technological equipment.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

weakness
Show both sides more fairly. Give more detail for each view and clear links to your opinion.
tip
Keep the main idea in every paragraph and stay on topic; avoid extra points.
tip
Use simple link words to show order and contrast, like and, but, also, first, then.
tip
Check small grammar and spelling mistakes and use shorter, clear sentences.
strength
Clear view that tech should get more money.
strength
Plan with two sides and a final line shows structure.
strength
Easy to read for exams.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • money, invest, spend, school, teacher, student, learning, class, lesson, plan, time, cost, price, benefit, risk, problem, solution, more, less, equal, fair, access, help, use, device, computer, screen, internet, tool, training, support, teamwork, study, future, job, good, bad, because, if, but, also, then, now
What to do next:
Look at other essays: