IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work in one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart demonstrated the population of
employee
Fix the agreement mistake
employees
show examples
 in five different jobs in one area of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
Overall
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people worked
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 sales in both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
2001 and 2008, and the least
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
workers were in
farming
Correct article usage
the farming
show examples
 industry in both
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
years. The employees
worked
Correct pronoun usage
who worked
show examples
 in
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three industries were about the same
number
Use synonyms
 with slight variation. In detail, there were over 150
thousand
Use synonyms
 employees who worked
as
Change preposition
in
show examples
 sales in 2001
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
number
Use synonyms
 increased to over 160
thousand
Use synonyms
 in 2008.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 60
thousand
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people worked in
accounting
Correct article usage
the accounting
show examples
 business in 2011, but the
number
Use synonyms
droped
Correct your spelling
dropped
 slightly in 2008.
In addition
Linking Words
, there were approximately 50
thousand
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
 in
computing
Correct article usage
the computing
show examples
 industry in 2001, but the
number
Use synonyms
 grew to over 60
thousand
Use synonyms
 after seven years. As the occupation of computing, the
employee
Check wording
apply
show examples
number
Use synonyms
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 about the same in nursing in 2001, and it had
been
Verb problem
apply
show examples
rosen
Correct your spelling
risen
 nearly 60
thousand
Use synonyms
 in 2008. Only 20
thousand
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
worker
Fix the agreement mistake
workers
show examples
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
worked in farming in 2001,
while
Linking Words
 the
number
Use synonyms
 fell slightly in 2008.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words number, thousand with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "slight" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment trends
  • workforce
  • sector
  • industry
  • agriculture
  • services
  • economic factors
  • technological advancements
  • policy changes
  • notable increases/decreases
  • statistical data
  • regional employment patterns
  • comparative analysis
  • percentage points
  • employment rate
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