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Band 4

Band 8+: In many countries schools have severe problems with student behaviour. What do you think are the causes of this? What solutions can you suggest?

Over the past few decades, the attitude of the pupils towards
teachers
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 and the management has changed dramatically in
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 way.
This
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change
Use synonyms
 has many causes
Punctuation problem
, inculding
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inculding
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including
school
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managing
Replace the word
management
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 factors
,
Punctuation problem
.
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However
Add a comma
However,
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 there are
also
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 some solutions regarding
this
Linking Words
. The evolution in the behaviours of the trainees has many factors. The most compelling one is the formation of the
groups
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 of bully
students
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, that trigger all
students
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 to
change
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thier
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their
 behaviour towards management and their
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teachers
Punctuation problem
teachers,
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while
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 medical reasons
also
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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Correct article usage
an affect
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affect
Use the right word
effect
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 on it, like someone facing
frusatration
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frustration
 and
depresssion
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depression
 results in mood
chnage
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change
.
Furthermre
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Furthermore
, some
students
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 have personal problems with
teachers
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,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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trigger them to
missbehave
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misbehave
.
For instance
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, by providing
satistics
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statistics
,
it is clear that
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 the trainees of the schools with the higher number of
bully
Check wording
bullying
show examples
groups
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 misbehave mostly than others.
Although
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
this
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 problem has a lot of solutions
Change preposition
apply
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while
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, the most
impotant
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important
 is
the
Correct word choice
that the
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school
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mangements
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management
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 to dismantle all
bully
Check wording
bullying
show examples
groups
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, and make some policies that discourage these
grouping
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
.
Additionally
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,
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school
Fix the agreement mistake
schools
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 and
teachers
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 should inform
regularly parents
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parents regularly
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pupil about their
Correct word order
about their pupil's
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 progress and manners and request them to
change
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 it.
Last
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 but not
the
Correct article usage
apply
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least, by arranging strict discipline in
school
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 and
implicate
Verb problem
imposing
show examples
penalities
Use the right word
penalties
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 for those who
dont
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don't
obey
Punctuation problem
obey,
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 can
change
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 the situation. In practical life, army schools have strict discipline and regulations
,
Punctuation problem
;
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as a result
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, there are no
misbehaving
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apply
show examples
complaintes
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complaints
. In conclusion, by dismantling the
groups
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 of the
students
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 and
maintaing
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maintaining
 the strict discipline and regulations, conditions can be
improve
Wrong verb form
improved
show examples
. In general, it is
recomended
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recommended
 that
school
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 managements should take it
serious
Replace the word
seriously
show examples
 and should
implicate
Verb problem
implement
show examples
 serious rules.

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task response
Explain more on causes and on the fix. Add clear steps for each fix and show how it will help.
coherence
Put ideas in clear order. Use a clear intro, then two body parts for causes and fixes, and finish with a short end. Use linking words like first, next, also, finally.
content
Some good aim to discuss causes and fixes.
structure
There is a plan to link cause and fix.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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