IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the most important thing about being rich is it gives a person the opportunity to help other people. Do you agree or disagree?

any
Fix capitalization
Any
show examples
 person may help
in
Change preposition
with
show examples
 financial status. There is no denying the fact that
provide
Wrong verb form
providing
show examples
 opportunities for
Linking Words
While
Punctuation problem
. While
show examples
 it is a commonly held belief that anyone ought to rely on themselves to
achieving
Wrong verb form
achieve
show examples
 funds. There is an argument that opposes it. In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 I consider that everyone should get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 by
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
themselves.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
people
Use synonyms
 should
be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
help each other but not for lifelong.
In other words
Linking Words
, we have to
enhancing
Wrong verb form
enhance
show examples
 and
emphasis
Replace the word
emphasise
show examples
 individual
for depend
Wrong verb form
depending
show examples
 on their abilities
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 various initiatives
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
theses
Use the right word
this
show examples
 awareness is better assistance for them.
For instance
Linking Words
, help poor
people
Use synonyms
 to improve their skills and knowledge
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
 to
increase
Correct article usage
an increase
show examples
chances
Change preposition
in chances
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life,
such
Linking Words
 as learn new skills,
study
Wrong verb form
studying
show examples
 unique
eligible and
Correct word order
and eligible
show examples
 technology. Another point to consider, when
persons
Check wording
people
show examples
 always find
helps
Correct subject-verb agreement
help
show examples
 from others,
this
Linking Words
 will
causes
Wrong verb form
cause
show examples
 unsuitable consequences
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
rise
Wrong verb form
rising
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
unemployment and poverty. It
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
is also
show examples
 possible to say that,
increase
Correct subject-verb agreement
increases
show examples
 the crime rate among community members, especially those used to
achieve
Verb problem
receiving
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
assistance from others.
For example
Linking Words
, some
people
Use synonyms
 in poor countries which depend on their government and the other rich countries,
certainly
Punctuation problem
certainly,
show examples
this
Linking Words
 trend has many negative aspects on
economic
Correct article usage
the economic
show examples
 system and
dipped
Verb problem
damped
show examples
 the
evolving
Replace the word
evolution
show examples
 in different sectors. In conclusion, there are many views of
this
Linking Words
 topic
rely
Correct pronoun usage
that rely
show examples
 on
type
Correct article usage
the type
show examples
 and interval of help. I believe that we should have humanity among those
people
Use synonyms
 and provide a decent life,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 we should
dealing
Wrong verb form
deal
show examples
 in
wisely
Replace the word
a wise
show examples
 way to avoid risks which can affect the security, education and
economic
Replace the word
economy
show examples
 of
country
Correct article usage
the country
show examples
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

content
State your view clearly at the start and answer the question directly.
structure
Use one idea per paragraph and start with a clear topic sentence.
language
Use simple sentences and check grammar so ideas are easy to read.
content
Give one or two real examples that support your point.
coherence
Link ideas with words like and, but, so to show flow.
content
Some clear view of the topic is shown.
structure
The essay tries to discuss both sides of the issue.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • wealthy
  • financial resources
  • philanthropy
  • charitable organizations
  • donations
  • fundraising
  • support
  • initiatives
  • contribute
  • fulfillment
  • purpose
  • selfless
  • altruistic
  • prioritize
  • personal gain
What to do next:
Look at other essays: