IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving the first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem? Angsa 2

Crimes
Fix the agreement mistake
Crime
show examples
 punishment can
be vary and
Correct word order
vary and be
show examples
 specific,
punishment
Correct word choice
and punishment
show examples
often
Verb problem
is often
show examples
 related to the type of crimes committed by the offenders. Not only that
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 courting is
also
Linking Words
 an important factor that will decide whether the outlaw will get punished or not. Most criminals or outlaws who committed again after they
have
Wrong verb form
had
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 already served their jail time might have been influenced by their fellow
committers
Check wording
inmates
show examples
. Some offenders
use
Use synonyms
 prison as
experience
Correct article usage
an experience
show examples
 to commit more crimes,
some
Correct word choice
and some
show examples
use
Use synonyms
them
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 to gather allies or associates. Once inside, these
wrong doers
Use the right word
wrongdoers
show examples
 didn't learn from their mistake.
Instead
Linking Words
, they think that they are the experienced ones
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 once they are
released
Punctuation problem
released,
show examples
 they will make
use
Use synonyms
 of
this
Linking Words
 as a second opportunity to commit
again
Punctuation problem
again,
show examples
 as they see themselves as “pro”.
Nonetheless
Linking Words
, measures can be taken to prevent events like
this
Linking Words
 from occurring.
For example
Linking Words
, the government can make
use
Use synonyms
 of the
parolement
Correct your spelling
parliamentary
 system. If a released criminal commits another crime in a year where parole is still
active
Punctuation problem
active,
show examples
 the captive will be locked up again without any
courting
Check wording
court
show examples
 process at all. Another prime example is to make prison more intimidating to inmates
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Inmates who recently got in will no longer feel the need
of committing
Change preposition
to commit
show examples
again
Punctuation problem
again,
show examples
 as they do not want to be in
this
Linking Words
 position twice.
This
Linking Words
 can be made by increasing guards or giving guards more authority over the prisoners.
To conclude
Linking Words
, the government must take advantage of the parole system in order to prevent criminals from committing again or at least make the opportunity to commit again less appealing for them.

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task
Improve focus on the task by clearly stating why crimes rise after release and give more steps to fix the issue.
structure
Use a clear plan with intro, 2 body parts on causes and 2 on solutions, and a short conclusion.
language
Keep words plain and easy. Some phrases are hard to read. Stick to common words.
examples
Add simple examples that readers can see, like steps in parole checks or help from guards.
content
The essay shows a clear topic about reoffending and how to stop it.
coherence
It gives ideas on parole and prison life as parts of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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