IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough . What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

In several countries, the juvenile
people
Use synonyms
 think that they can do anything if they try
taugh well
Rephrase
hard
show examples
. In my opinion, l don't agree with
this
Linking Words
cultures
Fix the agreement mistake
culture
show examples
, because the
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 of the youthful
people
Use synonyms
 are not effective
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
this
Linking Words
 time, and
this
Linking Words
 message
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advantages and disadvantages.Do you think my view is right?. The disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
 saying
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 more than the advantages,
due to
Linking Words
 the thinks of
fledgling
Correct word choice
young
show examples
people
Use synonyms
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 only about
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
video games,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 smart devices , and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
restaurant
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
. The other reason is the normal life, with reason the parents
is
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not learn
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 child
to be
Verb problem
apply
show examples
responsibility when he have
approach
Use the right word
approximately
show examples
 10 years
, but
Correct word choice
old, but
show examples
 they learn
his
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 child after
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
got
Verb problem
are
show examples
 approximately 20 years
.
Correct word choice
old.
show examples
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
show examples
 two reasons affect to method of thinking
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
is
Verb problem
results
show examples
 equal to not
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
 enough.
For instance
Linking Words
, 80%
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the
children
Use synonyms
 in Qatar don't get a
lot
Use synonyms
 of high marks in school, because they
not
Verb problem
do not
show examples
 achieve
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the certificate in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
school. The advantages of
this
Linking Words
 message
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 very
little
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
like,
the
Correct word choice
as the
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 will be involved after a period of time.
Also
Linking Words
, the young
people
Use synonyms
 will earn a
lot
Use synonyms
 of experience in a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
the day
Replace the word
daily
show examples
 life,
due to
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
can learn a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
job
Fix the agreement mistake
jobs
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life.
For example
Linking Words
, in Qatar
before
Punctuation problem
, before
show examples
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
university
Add a comma
university,
show examples
 you should volunteer
50
Change preposition
for 50
show examples
 hours before you
get
Verb problem
turn
show examples
 18 years old. In conclusion, l see the
Use synonyms
children
Check wording
children's
show examples
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 very clever but not more
than
Correct word choice
clever than
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
, the
children
Use synonyms
 will become
adult
Fix the agreement mistake
adults
show examples
 and
improved
Wrong verb form
improve
show examples
 a
lot
Use synonyms
 of
thinks
Use the right word
things
show examples
.

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structure
Plan your essay. Start with a clear line that says what you think. Then add two good points for and against, and end with a short view.
language
Use short, clear sentences. Check small mistakes with grammar and spell words.
content
Give one or two good examples that fit the points. Avoid too many facts you cannot explain.
content
You try to talk about both sides of the question.
structure
There is a plan: an intro, some body parts, and a short ending.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
What to do next:
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