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Writing Samples
Band 2.5

Many students do part-time work while they are studying. Do the advantages of this outweigh the disadvantages?

Ther
Use the right word
There
show examples
 is no denying the fact that many pupils do part-time
work
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 they are studying
maybe
Punctuation problem
, maybe
show examples
.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that some
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
students want to go to job during
school
Use synonyms
,there consider that I think
this
Linking Words
 topic
have
Wrong verb form
has more
show examples
 negative things outweigh positive.
To begin
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 with,one of the best pros of
Use synonyms
work
Replace the word
working
show examples
 during the day is
get
Wrong verb form
getting
show examples
 money.
In other words
Linking Words
,some learners need jobs to cover their rent.
In addition
Linking Words
,in high
Use synonyms
school
Punctuation problem
school,
show examples
 certainly in grade twelve
Punctuation problem
, som
show examples
som
Use the right word
some
show examples
 of them feel like
he
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 want to buy
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
rich things
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as : car or
house
Correct article usage
a house
show examples
. Another point to consider,
Linking Words
this
Fix the agreement mistake
these
show examples
 things
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 a bad effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 why?.It is possible to say that because he is still
learning
Punctuation problem
learning,
show examples
 he should focus
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 her books and the lessons.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
Moreover,
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 he might lose her marks or friends cause he after
school
Use synonyms
 go to her job and the time is going fast.
For instance
Linking Words
 is some of them go to college or
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
 learning at 7:30am and get
of
Change preposition
out of
show examples
from
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it in 2:40 about 8 hours in
school
Use synonyms
 another step he go to
work
Use synonyms
 so he don't have chance to get relax and study. In conclusions,despise individual having different views, I believe that it's a good idea to
work
Use synonyms
 and get her own money during
school
Use synonyms
 but he must think about her marks and her future.

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structure
Plan a short intro, three main ideas, and a short end. Keep one clear view.
grammar
Make each idea in its own sentence. Use simple form and check grammar.
coherence
Link ideas with words like also, but, and then to help flow.
examples
Give one small example for each main idea.
grammar
Check big mistakes in he/she and his/her use and keep tense clear.
content
Some ideas show the topic, and the value of money for a student.
structure
The writer tries to weigh pro and con and has a final view.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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