IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries people have to pay for medical care, but some think that it should be a free service provided by the government. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience. Write at least 250 word

Health
Use synonyms
 has been covered by personal expenses in many states
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
however
Linking Words
,
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
feel
Correct subject-verb agreement
feels
show examples
 that it should be a responsibility of
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 to take
care
Use synonyms
 of it. Many developed countries cannot provide medical insurance, because of
its
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 poor
economical
Correct word choice
economic
show examples
 status, and
thus
Linking Words
, people have to pay
themselves
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
for their
treatment
Correct word choice
own treatment
show examples
.
Whereas
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 policy relieves the
government
Use synonyms
 from financial responsibility, but creates an additional
monetry
Correct your spelling
monetary
 burden on the population.
For example
Linking Words
, in a developing country like Pakistan, where
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
show examples
 is not strong,
gonvernment
Correct your spelling
government
 hospitals are not well
equiped
Correct your spelling
equipped
,
therefore
Linking Words
 patients
does
Correct subject-verb agreement
do
show examples
 not prefer to visit there despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
free of cost treatment. They
rather
Verb problem
would rather
show examples
 go to private hospitals and pay
from
Change preposition
out of
show examples
 their pockets to get standard of
care
Use synonyms
 treatment.
However
Linking Words
, I feel that medical insurance is a better way to improve
general
Correct article usage
the general
show examples
health
Use synonyms
 condition in any region. People pay taxes
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 those should be utilised to cover their well-being. They have a right to it.
Government
Use synonyms
 hospitals should entertain all medical emergencies free of cost, so that even
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 poor can access good
health
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, every American citizen fills medical insurance form, and
thus
Linking Words
 he is
laible
Correct your spelling
liable
 to entitle all
health
Use synonyms
 benefits at any time.
This
Linking Words
 is
beneficial greatly
Correct word order
greatly beneficial
show examples
 when someone is struggling for their
jobs
Fix the agreement mistake
job
show examples
 and is found to have some serious
health
Use synonyms
 issues. He does not feel
overburden
Replace the word
overburdened
show examples
 because his medical
care
Use synonyms
 is on the state. In the conclusion, people can pay for their
health
Use synonyms
 if they want to, but it is a big sigh when someone else is taking
care
Use synonyms
 of it, and
specially
Use the right word
especially
show examples
 if it is a reliable body.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should make
health
Use synonyms
 freely accessible to all, so that good
health
Use synonyms
 is not limited to
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
show examples
 only.

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task response
Task response: Your view is clear but the answer is not fully developed. Start with a clear opinion in the first sentence, and add stronger reasons. Include more specific, relevant points and examples to support them.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Some ideas are not well joined. Use linking words to show how ideas fit together (for example, and, also, but, so, because). Keep a simple plan: intro, 2-3 body paragraphs, conclusion.
strength
You state a clear view on government health care.
strength
You give a real life example (Pakistan and the U.S.) to make a point.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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