IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The most important consideration when choosing any career or job is having a big income. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays, choosing a proper
job
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 is one of the critical issues.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people try so hard to find a
job
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 which matches
to
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apply
show examples
their different priorities and criteria. It is said that
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 the main factor in finding a career is a large amount of revenue. I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 topic to a large extent, and I am going to elaborate on
this
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 in the following. As we spend more than
a
Correct article usage
apply
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half
of
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apply
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a day at
work
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, it is better to consider a
work
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, which is completely related to our interests and abilities. In
this
Linking Words
 way, we can stay motivated in our
work
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, become much more innovative, and improve
the
Correct pronoun usage
our
show examples
 situations to get higher
promotion
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promotions
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.
As a result
Linking Words
, when we
work
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 in our field,
Linking Words
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 is adapted
with
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to
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 our needs, we will provide better mental health and success for ourselves. Another factor which should not be underestimated is working with friendly colleagues in an intimate and calm atmosphere.
For example
Linking Words
, in
this
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 condition, all the employees can share their
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
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 freely, and no one doesn’t
judge
Correct subject-verb agreement
judges
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 others.
Consequently
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, all the coworkers will think about their
work
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 as their second
house
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home
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.
Moreover
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, they
do
Verb problem
put in
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 all their effort to respect each other more than before.
Apart from
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this
Linking Words
, when our
work
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 ensures our
job
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 security for several years, we will be focused on our goals which match with company’s goals
direction
Correct word choice
and direction
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. Of course,
high income
Use the right word
high-income
show examples
 jobs can attract some people
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it is their first consideration.
However
Linking Words
, they think that they can make
much
Correct article usage
a much
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 more comfortable life with their possessions, they have forgotten that a peaceful
work
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 environment, which is chosen
according to
Linking Words
 their
skills
Punctuation problem
skills,
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 creates their mental well-being. Even
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 some well-paid jobs can become exhausting in the long term. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 money is a preference that can be so attractive
in
Change preposition
at
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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first glance for some people, there are essential factors that can affect
on
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apply
show examples
our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and bring more happiness and
job
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 satisfaction for us.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first sentence. State your view directly and then add reasons in order. Make the essay start with a short statement that you disagree with high income being the only factor.
coherence and cohesion
Make topic sentences for each paragraph. Each paragraph should have one main idea that links to your view about income and job fit. Use safe linking words to connect ideas.
grammar and style
Fix grammar errors and awkward phrases. Use simple short sentences. Check for double negatives and wrong forms (e.g., 'which matches to' → 'which match', 'no one doesn’t judge' → 'no one judges').
lexical resource
Add more specific examples of how non-financial factors boost work happiness, like flexible hours, meaningful work, or career growth. This will strengthen your ideas.
lexical resource
Keep vocabulary close to common words. Avoid long phrases. But be precise in meaning.
content
The essay shows a clear stance against income as the only factor.
structure
There is good paragraph structure with introduction, body, and conclusion.
coherence
Some link words help show the flow of ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • job satisfaction
  • long-term happiness
  • personal fulfillment
  • financial stability
  • passion
  • quality of life
  • work-life balance
  • career advancement
  • societal impact
  • income disparity
  • material success
  • monetary compensation
  • wealth accumulation
  • economic well-being
What to do next:
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