IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Animals are used around the world for a variety of purposes, such as medical testing and food. While many people believe this is justified, others feel that animals should not be exploited by humans. Discuss both these views and give your opinion.

It is true that
animals
Use synonyms
co-existing
Use the right word
coexisting
show examples
Linking Words
together
Rephrase
apply
show examples
with humans facilitate growth. But
recent
Correct article usage
a recent
show examples
 debate
arise
Wrong verb form
has arisen
show examples
 between whether to use them for the purpose of pharmaceutical testing and the exploitation done by
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will share both views and
finally
Linking Words
 include my view.
To begin
Linking Words
 with,
due to
Linking Words
 increasing diseases worldwide,
scientist
Fix the agreement mistake
scientists
show examples
 tend to formulate medical
antedote
Fix the agreement mistake
antedotes
show examples
 for which they consider specialised
animals
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as Guinea
Pig
Fix the agreement mistake
Pigs
show examples
 and rats.
Similarly
Linking Words
, some
animals
Use synonyms
 are considered delicacies in many parts of the world. Certain
meat
Fix the agreement mistake
meats
show examples
,
for example
Linking Words
,
chicken
Punctuation problem
chicken,
show examples
 are
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 necessity of the daily nutritional requirement and
consumed
Verb problem
are consumed
show examples
 widely all over the world. The pigs, hens,
cattle
Correct word choice
and cattle
show examples
 are important for agriculture as they support in the field.
In Contrast
Linking Words
, the maximum usage of them can
further
Linking Words
leads
Correct subject-verb agreement
lead
show examples
 to extinction. The unauthorised hunting
deteriorate
Correct subject-verb agreement
deteriorates
show examples
 the population of the wildlife. It will ultimately
distrupt
Correct your spelling
disrupt
 the
foodchain
Use the right word
food chain
show examples
. The consumption of mutated meat of exotic
animals
Use synonyms
 enhances the possibility of food-borne diseases. The frequent
human created
Use the right word
human-created
show examples
 wildfire is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
another reason
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the
decling
Correct your spelling
declining
 percentage of birds globally. The Coral reefs and marine
animals
Use synonyms
 are at
Correct pronoun usage
their worse
show examples
worse
Correct word choice
worst
show examples
 stage
due to
Linking Words
 human-caused bleaching and sewage water inclusion in oceans. In my view,
balanced
Correct article usage
a balanced
show examples
 approach is the requirement
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the coordination between both can solve the issue. Authorities responsible for
Banned
Wrong verb form
banning
show examples
 animal hunting contribute
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 the increase in
amount
Check wording
the number
show examples
 of extinct species.
Also
Linking Words
,
animals
Use synonyms
 used for good
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
 can be
benefecial
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 not only to humans but for the
animals
Use synonyms
 as well. In conclusion, utilisation of
animals
Use synonyms
 for good
cause
Fix the agreement mistake
causes
show examples
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as for
medicine
Punctuation problem
medicine,
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 is important
Change preposition
to at
show examples
at
Use the right word
a
show examples
 greater extent
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 over-exploitation can lead to serious issues which are sometimes not solvable.

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task response
To raise task response, discuss both sides with more full detail and give your clear view at the end. Use more facts or small examples to back each point.
coherence
To improve flow, use clear linking words to connect ideas. Put one main idea in each paragraph. Check the order of ideas and keep similar ideas in one part.
content
Shows both sides of the issue and gives a final view.
structure
There is an intro, a main part, and a closing paragraph.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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