IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people are concerned that children spend too much time on computer - playing games, chatting and watching videos. But all this time is actually good preparation for children, who will have to spend many hours on computers throughout their education and their working lives. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

Nowadays
techology
Correct your spelling
technology
improved
Verb problem
has improved
show examples
,
children
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 usually
relies
Correct subject-verb agreement
rely
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 on
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 or mobile
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
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 for a long period,
it
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 may affect their social
skiils
Correct your spelling
skills
 or
eyes
Fix the agreement mistake
eye
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 protection
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, there are still some advantages
on
Change preposition
in
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 their education and their working style in
Correct article usage
the furture
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furture
Correct your spelling
future
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, i agree
children
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 start to
use
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 the electronic
devices
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 earlier, since
school
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 start to work with AI, it's common that most of the
school
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use
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 the
ipad
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 for learning , usng electronic
devices
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 could be more environmentall friendly,
school
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 do not need to print plenty of paper for notes or even, parent could save their money for buying
book
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 or other materials, a
ipad
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 could cover all the subject, lead students'
school
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 bag not too heavy,
therefore
Linking Words
, using
ipad
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 or other electronic
devices
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 seems to be a good things for
children
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.
secondly
Linking Words
, start to
use
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 the
computer
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 earlier, it could help
children
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 learn the edit a video or better understanding of function,
for example
Linking Words
 they don not know a vocabulary, they do not need to find a dictionary to spend time on finding a word, they just need to search it online, the internet will shown the pronounction and the meaning detaily,
therefore
Linking Words
children
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 using the
computer
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 earlier could bring them convient.
lastly
Linking Words
,
children
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 can learn the theme or anything they feel interested online, if they have any misunderstand to read a
book
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, online have a lots of way to express the story,
for example
Linking Words
 a e
book
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 or a video in youtube, so after
children
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 listen to the vitsual video, they can have a better understand about the content of the
book
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 and could do some quiz or revision to make sure their knowleage and increase their interest on learning. all in all,
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 believe that
children
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Use synonyms
use
Wrong verb form
using
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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electronic
devices
Use synonyms
 like
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computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 or
ipad
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 or more can increase the
qulity
Correct your spelling
quality
 of
lifestyle
Correct pronoun usage
their lifestyle
show examples
,
more
Verb problem
be more
show examples
convient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 in their daily life and understand the function of
Use synonyms
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 earlier to help in their
furure
Correct your spelling
future
.

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task response
State your view clearly in the first sentence. Then give 2 or 3 clear reasons. Use one example for each reason. Finish with a short line that restates your view.
coherence cohesion
Make each paragraph have one main idea. Start with a small topic sentence. Use simple link words like First, Also, But, For example. Check flow from one sentence to the next so it is easier to read.
idea
There are real ideas about how tech can help school work and learning.
structure
The writing has some plan with an intro, body, and conclusion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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