IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

many young people leaving their homes not because that they want throw their close people, family,hometown,friends of because in the village where they live upset opportunity for developing yourself

In my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 many young
people
Use synonyms
leaving
Wrong verb form
leave
show examples
 their homes not because
that
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
they want
throw
Verb problem
to throw
show examples
 their close
people
Use synonyms
, family,hometown,friends
of
Punctuation problem
, of
show examples
 because in the village where they
live
Punctuation problem
live,
show examples
 upset
opportunity
Rephrase
no opportunity
show examples
 for developing
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
. Many popular intelligent
people
Use synonyms
 from rural areas, because they always live in
poor
Correct article usage
a poor
show examples
 life, they
never can’t
Verb problem
can’t
show examples
 afford what they want,
far
Use the right word
for
show examples
 example
they
Punctuation problem
, they
show examples
saw
Wrong verb form
see
show examples
 how
children
Use synonyms
 have rich parents and win
lottery
Correct article usage
the lottery
show examples
,
reason
Correct article usage
the reason
show examples
: you can afford all of them
what
Punctuation problem
, what
show examples
 do you want
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 you don’t need
try
Verb problem
to try
show examples
 doing anything yourself. And your childhood was spent with poverty, and you want
exit
Verb problem
to exit
show examples
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
,and start
study
Replace the word
studying
show examples
 hard, make plans for
this
Linking Words
, the importance
your
Change preposition
of your
show examples
 goal. I saw a lot of students from small cities or rural areas
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 who now study abroad
free
Change preposition
for free
show examples
. Because they want development, not set like their parents, living for
next
Correct article usage
the next
show examples
 salary because
don’t
Correct pronoun usage
they don’t
show examples
enough
Verb problem
have enough
show examples
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 if you want
Use synonyms
work
Verb problem
to work
show examples
 in
well-paid
Correct article usage
a well-paid
show examples
 job,
need
Correct pronoun usage
you need
show examples
certificatie
Replace the word
a certified
show examples
 education. But I want
said
Wrong verb form
to say
show examples
 that not all poor
children
Use synonyms
 have motivation for education.
Also
Linking Words
 have lazy
children
Use synonyms
 because their parents
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 far
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
show examples
 for them. If about
work
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
abroad or other cities, older
people
Use synonyms
 used to
work
Use synonyms
 for
smaller
Correct article usage
a smaller
show examples
 salary and not complain
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
younger
Correct article usage
the younger
show examples
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
generation
show examples
 new population not agree with that
Punctuation problem
, that’s
show examples
that’s
Use the right word
that is
show examples
way leaving
Wrong verb form
why they leave
show examples
. Conclusion
need
Correct subject-verb agreement
needs
show examples
 developing, if you
will
Verb problem
do
show examples
 not
risked
Wrong verb form
risk
show examples
, you will
work
Use synonyms
 for
people
Use synonyms
 who
risked
Wrong verb form
risk
show examples
. That’s why in future if you want
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
your
children
Use synonyms
 not
suffer
Verb problem
to suffer
show examples
, move at the moment because it’s your 
last
Linking Words
 chance.

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structure
The topic is clear, but the plan is not. Use a short start, 2 or 3 main ideas, and a short end.
grammar
Use simpler grammar. Check verb forms and word choice.
coherence
Link ideas with words like and, but, also, then, so to make a smooth flow.
examples
Give one clear example for each idea to show you can explain it.
grammar
Spelling and punctuation need work. Use capitals for I and for names, and put a full stop at the end of each sentence.
content
The topic is clear and you have a idea of what you want to say.
content
There are some good examples from life.
structure
You show some plan on how life in a city or town can push one to study.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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