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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The table shows the percentage of people living in different types of dwellings in three parts of Australia in 2001 and 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The table shows the percentage of people living in different types of dwellings in three parts of Australia in 2001 and 2006. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The table
ilustrates
Correct your spelling
illustrates
 the proportion of
poppuation
Correct your spelling
population
 living in various
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
Use synonyms
houses
Change preposition
of houses
show examples
 in three regions from
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
2001 and 2006.
Overall
Linking Words
, the highest
people
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 living in the
houses
Use synonyms
 across all the territories, the most in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Tamania.
However
Linking Words
, community living in the other habitats is the lowest,
while
Linking Words
 the
avarage
Correct your spelling
average
people
Use synonyms
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
stying
Use the right word
staying
show examples
 in the other
two
Use synonyms
 types of dwellings.
Firstly
Linking Words
, Tasmania had the most
public
Check wording
people
show examples
 staying in the
houses
Use synonyms
 with 88 in 2001 and 89 in 2006, followed by Victoria 79,76 in 2001 and
2006
Punctuation problem
2006,
show examples
 respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
, The Northern Territory had the lowest percentage
people
Use synonyms
 belongs to
houses
Use synonyms
 with 65 in the start of the period and in the
end
Use synonyms
 declined by
two
Use synonyms
 per cent,
while
Linking Words
 other
two
Use synonyms
 areas had slight increased in the
end
Use synonyms
 of the period.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 staying in the semi-attached house in
climbing
Verb problem
increasing
show examples
 in all regions, but the least
people
Use synonyms
 living in
this
Linking Words
 area are from Tasmania
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 3 in 2001and 4 in 2006.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, Tasmania
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
declined for the
falt
Use the right word
flat
show examples
poppulation
Correct your spelling
population
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the
end
Use synonyms
 of the period,
while
Linking Words
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
two
Use synonyms
 region
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
gained their flat habitats with 1 to 3 per cent. The Northern territory had the highest
people
Use synonyms
 living in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
other types of homes
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 14 and 11
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
start
Correct article usage
the start
show examples
 and
end
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
two
Use synonyms
 areas had below 2 per cent
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 living there.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: Change the first sentence in the introduction.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words houses, people, two, end with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "declined" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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