IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In some country the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing.What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them.

In today`s fast-paced world, obesity
level
Use synonyms
 in
people
Use synonyms
 is increasing
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 there is a clear gain in
health
Use synonyms
 issues
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
body
Use synonyms
 fitness is decreasing day by day. In my opinion, the main reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
Linking Words
 increasing
weight
Use synonyms
 in everyone are junk
food
Use synonyms
 and
luxury
Correct article usage
a luxury
show examples
 lifestyle,
while
Linking Words
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 and
workout
Use synonyms
 can solve
this
Linking Words
 major problem in human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the primary reason for
increasing
Replace the word
the increase in
show examples
average
Correct article usage
the average
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of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
body
Use synonyms
weight
Use synonyms
.
Verb problem
is.
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In addition
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are eating more outside and
also
Linking Words
 prefer fast-
food
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, frozen
food
Use synonyms
 and ready
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
,
this
Linking Words
food
Use synonyms
 contains high calories, fat and sugar,
primary
Correct article usage
a primary
show examples
substense
Correct your spelling
cause
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 obesity.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
, working
people
Use synonyms
 choose
this
Linking Words
 kind of
cusines
Correct your spelling
cuisine
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 to save their valuable time,
end
Correct word choice
and end
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 up with
heavy
Correct article usage
a heavy
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weight
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 are
more rich
Correct word choice
richer
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 nowadays, so many
people
Use synonyms
living luxury
Wrong verb form
live a luxurious
show examples
 lifestyle,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
reduce
Correct subject-verb agreement
reduces
show examples
 exercise,
workout
Use synonyms
 can burn calories and fat, so fat
Use synonyms
level
Fix the agreement mistake
levels
show examples
 may increase with luxury,
Linking Words
this cause
Wrong verb form
causing
show examples
weight
Use synonyms
 gain in
human
Fix the agreement mistake
humans
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
, there was research done by Western Sydney University which says 80 per cent
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
eating
Wrong verb form
who eat
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 out in
current
Correct article usage
the current
show examples
 time and eat junk
food
Use synonyms
everyday
Use the right word
every day
show examples
, cause many
health
Use synonyms
 problems. In order to eradicate
this
Linking Words
 problem,
people
Use synonyms
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 to follow
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
, and they need to go to
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 regularly.
As a result
Linking Words
,
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
diet
Use synonyms
 can control cholesterol
level
Use synonyms
, which can block
heart
Correct article usage
the heart
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vanes
Use the right word
valves
show examples
,
main
Correct article usage
the main
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 reason for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
heart
attack
Fix the agreement mistake
attacks
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. Healthy
food
Use synonyms
 may control the
level
Use synonyms
 of sugar and fat in
Use synonyms
body
Correct article usage
the body
show examples
, help to reduce
weight
Use synonyms
 and many
health
Use synonyms
 problems.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
workout
Correct article usage
a workout
show examples
 routine can help sweat out the
body
Use synonyms
 and exercise
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
various
body
Use synonyms
 parts, which is
also
Linking Words
 important for burning
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fat and sugar.
For instance
Linking Words
, there was an article in the Times of India which mentioned
hard
Correct word choice
that hard
show examples
working
Replace the word
work
show examples
 and
people
Use synonyms
 who
going
Wrong verb form
go to
show examples
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
everyday
Use the right word
every
show examples
,
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 less chances of
health
Use synonyms
 problems and may
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
live longer than their counterparts. In conclusion, fast work life unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 and
rich
Correct article usage
a rich
show examples
 lifestyle can cause
health
Use synonyms
 issues and obesity, which can be solved by
workout
Use synonyms
 and good
diet
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 routine
may
Verb problem
can
show examples
also
Linking Words
beneficial
Verb problem
be beneficial
show examples
 for
stay
Wrong verb form
staying
show examples
 fit.

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task response
Plan your essay first. Say your view in a short line at the start. Then give 2 or 3 clear ideas with a small example for each.
coherence cohesion
Make links between ideas with short words. Be sure each paragraph has one clear idea.
language use
Watch spelling and word use. Fix odd words and make sure the meaning is clear.
content strength
The essay shows a clear view on causes.
structure strength
There is a conclusion that restates the view.
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