IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think imported food exerts positive impact on our lives. What exent do you agree or disagree?

In recent times, imported goods have become increasingly popular around the world, especially
food
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.
While
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 some people argue that these values can lead to lots of disadvantages impact on local people in many different ways. I completely disagree with the idea that imported
food
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 has positive effects on our lives.
To begin
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, one of the most significant reasons why overseas
food
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 is ill-advised involves the fact that it could bring
issues
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 to local businesses. To illustrate, if all citizens spent their money on foreign products more than supporting their country's goods,
as a result
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, it would lead to a financial problem.
For instance
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, lack of income, money value
issues
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, etc.
Additionally
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, imported
food
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 could be harmful to physical health. During the shipping process , chemicals are needed
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 for the purpose of keeping the products fresh.
On the other hand
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, these methods are unsafe for the human body, which could be extremely harmful in the future.
Moreover
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, overseas
food
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are
Verb problem
apply
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not only affects
on
Change preposition
apply
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physical health and local businesses' problems , but it
also
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 leads to cultural preservation
issues
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. As new generations
are
Verb problem
apply
show examples
prefer international meals more than traditional cuisine. The cause of these behaviours is that people will start forgetting their own original
food
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it will be
forever gone
Correct word order
gone forever
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 immediately. In conclusion,
although
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 international
food
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 gives a new experience.
Otherwise
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, it carries certain
risk
Fix the agreement mistake
risks
show examples
 and disadvantages in the long term,
such
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 as, country's financial, physical health
issues
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, and cultural preservation problems. For these reasons, I firmly believe that imported
food
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 is harmful and should be treated
accordingly
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.

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overall
Overall score: 5. You try to answer the task but ideas are not well built and the proof is weak. Try to have a clear view in each paragraph and give more proof.
task response
Task response: Say your view in the first line. Add two or three good reasons. Give a specific example for each reason. End with a strong final line.
coherence
Coherence and cohesion: Use simple links to show how info goes together. Start each para with a clear idea that links to the main issue. Repeat key words to connect ideas.
position
Clear stance against imported food.
structure
There is a concluding line that repeats the view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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