IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some poorer areas of large cities people are too afraid to leave their houses at night time due to a fear of crime. What are the causes of crime in those areas and what can be done to tackle those problems?

In the poorer
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
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 of many metropolitan cities, people are scared of going out of their houses after sunset,
due to
Linking Words
potential
Correct article usage
the potential
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 risk of crime. There are many reasons
of
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apply
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,
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apply
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 why
this
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happen
Correct subject-verb agreement
happens
show examples
Linking Words
such
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, such
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 as hunger, etc.
However
Linking Words
, these problems can be tackled with the help of government
actions
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action
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. I will explicate the
casues
Correct your spelling
causes
 of these incidents, and the ways to avoid them,
further
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 in
this
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 essay. First and foremost, when we talk about the reasons
of
Change preposition
for
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 criminal activities
,
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apply
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 prevalent in
lower
Correct article usage
the lower
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 section of society of
the
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apply
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large cities, the very initial one is, lack of education.
Due to
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lack
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a lack
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 of resources in
such
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 arenas, most children are unable to learn
,
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apply
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 and remain illiterate, which
,
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apply
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 makes it impossible for them to get a proper job.
Hence
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, their inability to make money
,
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apply
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 prompts them to do
the
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apply
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illegal things
,
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apply
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 to earn a livelihood.
For example
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, the largest slum in Indian resides in Mumbai, and has an illiteracy rate of almost 82%, with most of them engaging in extortion and drug selling to support a meal for themself and their family.
However
Linking Words
, these criminal activities can be avoided if the government takes necessary initiatives to tackle these problems. There should be free public schools and night schools opened for people living in
such
Linking Words
 areas, so that they can get the required schooling, and
hence
Linking Words
, gain confidence to find a decent job. There should
also
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 be special
quota
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quotas
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 and scholarships
,
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apply
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 offered to
such
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 children in
education
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the education
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 system, so that they can
enroll
Use the right word
enrol
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 for
further
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 studies.
For instance
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, in India, there is a percentage of seats
alloted
Correct your spelling
allotted
 to the students of
Correct article usage
the backward
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backward
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backwards
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 class or
scheduled
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the scheduled
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 caste, in almost every field,
such
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 as education, government employment sectors, etc. Conclusively, I believe that
noone
Correct your spelling
no one
 is a born criminal. Circumstances and
lack
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a lack
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 of
the
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apply
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resources
,
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apply
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 sometimes
,
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apply
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forces
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force
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 an individual to engage in criminal activities. These can be avoided by offering them adequate opportunities
,
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apply
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 to generate income
,
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apply
show examples
 and
hence
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 live a better life.

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content
Use a clear plan. Say the cause, the effect, and one fix in each paragraph.
structure
Make each paragraph stick to one main idea. Use short, simple sentences.
language
Check spelling and small mistakes that make it hard to read. Use simple words.
content
The student gives a clear view that crime comes from lack of work and education.
structure
The essay has a clear order: intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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