IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Shopping is the favorite pastime for most of the young people. Why do you think is that. Do you think they should be encouraged to do some other useful activities?

Most young people like to go shopping
to
Change preposition
as
show examples
pastime
Correct article usage
a pastime
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,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 In
this
Linking Words
essay
Punctuation problem
essay,
show examples
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 will discuss why and if they should partake in something more useful. I personally think shopping is a great way to socially interact with people
whether
Punctuation problem
, whether
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 it's with friends or someone you just met
,
Punctuation problem
.
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 You can learn
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 about them and the stuff they like, but spending more than an hour and a half in my opinion isn't the healthiest thing to pastime
on
Change preposition
apply
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. I get that having a good shopping experience could feel like an accomplishment but most of the
time
Use synonyms
 you're spending money on things that will bring satisfaction for a short period of
time
Use synonyms
however
Linking Words
 let's say that you spent that
time
Use synonyms
 working on a project that you had in mind or go to the gym with friends maybe spend some family
time
Use synonyms
 at the park, You are more likely to make better memories.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 shopping could be an escape from daily routine
, you
Punctuation problem
. You
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 could go shopping occasionally
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as every weekend or once every two weeks or after a month
full
Correct word choice
apply
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of success
as
Punctuation problem
, as
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 a gift to yourself
to
Punctuation problem
, to
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 encourage yourself
be
Verb problem
to be
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 more successful. Conclusion: shopping has a good and a bad side, Good as in a great way to
socialize
Use the right word
socialise
show examples
 and interact with the people you love, and bad as in poor financial decisions and spending
to
Use the right word
too
show examples
 much
time
Use synonyms
 that could've been spent on something more useful.

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structure
Plan before you write. Make a simple plan and a clear aim for the essay.
cohesion
Use small links to show link of ideas. Words like and, but, also, for example help a lot.
content
Give one or two clear reasons why shopping is liked and add a short example for each.
organization
Keep each paragraph about one idea. Start with a clear line (topic sentence).
language
Check spell and space. Write 'a lot' as two words and start each sentence with a capital letter.
content
The writing shows a view that shopping can be a social act.
structure
There is an attempt to split into intro, body, and conclusion.
content
Examples like gym time and family time are used to move ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • pastime
  • encouraged
  • useful activities
  • self-expression
  • creativity
  • sense of accomplishment
  • satisfaction
  • social interaction
  • bonding
  • escaping
  • daily routine
  • stress
  • instant gratification
  • pleasure
  • keeping up
  • trends
  • fashion
  • exploring
  • products
  • experiences
  • boosting
  • self-confidence
  • supporting
  • local businesses
  • economy
  • discovering
  • personal style
  • preferences
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