IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Young people spend a lot of free time at mall, this can be negative. Do you agree or disagree?

n recent years, young people have started spending much of their free
time
Use synonyms
 at shopping
malls
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
malls
Use synonyms
 can provide entertainment and social spaces, I believe
this
Linking Words
 trend has more negative than positive effects. One major drawback is that it promotes consumerism. Teenagers often feel pressure to buy the latest clothes, gadgets, or accessories when they spend long hours in
malls
Use synonyms
.
This
Linking Words
 can lead to unnecessary spending habits and create a materialistic mindset.
For example
Linking Words
, many high school students focus more on purchasing fashionable brands than on saving money or studying for their exams. Over
time
Use synonyms
,
this
Linking Words
 habit can affect both their finances and their academic performance. Another negative effect is the lack of productive use of
time
Use synonyms
.
Instead
Linking Words
 of engaging in sports, reading, or learning new skills, young people may waste several hours wandering around shopping
centers
Use the right word
centres
show examples
.
In addition
Linking Words
,
malls
Use synonyms
 often encourage unhealthy lifestyles, since fast food outlets are easily available and young visitors may develop poor eating habits. Socially, too much
time
Use synonyms
 at
malls
Use synonyms
 can increase peer pressure, as teenagers may compare themselves to others based on what they can afford.
This
Linking Words
 sometimes creates stress and lowers self-confidence. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
malls
Use synonyms
 offer entertainment and a place for young people to meet, the disadvantages of spending too much
time
Use synonyms
 there—
such
Linking Words
 as materialism, wasted
time
Use synonyms
, and unhealthy habits—are more serious.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I strongly agree that
this
Linking Words
 trend has a negative impact on the younger generation.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
State your view clearly in the first line and keep it in all parts.
content
Add more ideas and clear facts to show both sides, not only one side.
coherence
Use easy link words like and, but, also, for example to tie ideas.
editing
Check small grammar mistakes to make the essay stronger.
strength
Clear view is easy to see.
structure
Intro and end are used.
strength
There are clear links in some parts.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: