IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that now we can see films on our own phones and tablets there is no need to visit cinema and others say that to be fully enjoyed films need to be seen in a cinema if one wants to enjoy completely. Discuss both views and give your opinion?

Due to
Linking Words
 advanced technology, nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 can access many
movies
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their smartphones and tablets
Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 in the
past
Punctuation problem
past,
show examples
 they
watch
Wrong verb form
watched
show examples
movies
Use synonyms
 only in
cinemas
Use synonyms
. Some think that watching
movies
Use synonyms
 through personal gadgets will not be as enjoyable as in
cinemas
Use synonyms
. I will discuss both opinions in
this
Linking Words
 essay, and I believe watching
movies
Use synonyms
 in
cinemas
Use synonyms
 is better than
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
phones. On the one hand,
people
Use synonyms
 agree that there is no need to go to
Use synonyms
Correct article usage
the cinemas
show examples
cinemas
Fix the agreement mistake
cinema
show examples
for watching
Change preposition
to watch
show examples
movies
Use synonyms
. The first reason is that it costs money
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 tickets and food
beverages
Correct word choice
and beverages
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
,
to buy
Wrong verb form
buying
show examples
 a ticket for a
movie
Use synonyms
needs
Verb problem
costs
show examples
 $30 and
plus
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
another $30 for food and a can of
coke
Fix capitalization
Coke
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 price can be used to watch more than one
movie
Use synonyms
 through Netflix
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 the subscription is only $7 for a month. And another reason is
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 time spent going to
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
. Especially in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big cities like Jakarta
where
Punctuation problem
, where
show examples
 everywhere is traffic makes
Use synonyms
people
Punctuation problem
, people
show examples
 decide to watch
Use synonyms
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 from home as they will spend hours on the road.
In addition
Linking Words
, for some
people
Use synonyms
 who do not have private transportation, it brings
such
Linking Words
 as anxiety
whether
Change preposition
about whether
show examples
 they
still can
Correct word order
can still
show examples
 find public transport and
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 safe on the way
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
home.
Thus
Linking Words
, for
people
Use synonyms
’s convenience,
people
Use synonyms
 opt for watching
through
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their phones
than
Rephrase
rather than
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, others prefer watching
film
Fix the agreement mistake
films
show examples
 in
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 as they want to enjoy all that
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 can offer
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
them. It includes the place,
big
Correct article usage
a big
show examples
 screen, a comfortable chair,
loudspeaker
Correct article usage
a loudspeaker
show examples
food
Punctuation problem
, food
show examples
 beverages that they cannot have in their home.
For instance
Linking Words
, without all the conditions mentioned, some
people
Use synonyms
 could feel the meaning of
Use synonyms
movie
Correct article usage
the movie
show examples
 that they are watching.
Thus
Linking Words
, watching in
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
 is the best way to feel alive and awake despite
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the price and effort that
put in going
Wrong verb form
it takes to go
show examples
 to
Use synonyms
cinema
Correct article usage
the cinema
show examples
. In conclusion, being able to enjoy a
movie
Use synonyms
does
Verb problem
is
show examples
 not
determine
Wrong verb form
determined
show examples
 by a place.
Although
Linking Words
 some watch
Use synonyms
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
from
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their
gadgets
Punctuation problem
gadgets,
show examples
 they still enjoy it
considering
Punctuation problem
, considering
show examples
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
finance and time management.
Thus
Linking Words
, I believe it is about preference.

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task response
The task asks you to discuss both views and give your own view. There is some balance, but you should give more detail for each point and link your view to the topic.
coherence
Make the flow better with clear linking words and a new line for each idea. Start each paragraph with the main idea and end with a short line that ties to your view.
task response
You show both sides and end with a clear view.
coherence
You give real examples of cost and time to show why people stay home.
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