IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people think that museums and galleries should only show works from local artists rather than work from other countries. Do you agree?

Nowadays in every country we can find huge
museums
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, let’s think about New York city, where there is one of the most important
museums
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 in the word (the MOMA), or about London, where you can visit the museum of natural history, or Rome, which is
also
Linking Words
 famous for the Vatican’s
museums
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, or Madrid, where you can visit the Prado or the, even better, Reina Sofia.
Museums
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 are very important for tourism
in
Punctuation problem
, in
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fact
Punctuation problem
fact,
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 a lot of tourists, once they have visited the entire city, want to get tickets for
museums
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, especially in cities as Rome, Madrid or New
York
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York,
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 where
museums
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 are one of the main attractions. But, as you all probably know, in almost all those
museums
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 you can find
paintings
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 of
artists
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 from all over the
word
Use the right word
world
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 and not only works painted
from
Change preposition
by
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 local
artists
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. As we have just
said
Punctuation problem
said,
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museums
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 have either
paintings
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 painted
from
Change preposition
by
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 local
artists
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either
Correct word choice
or
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 works made by international
artists
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. In my
opinion
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opinion,
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 that should not be seen as a problem
Linking Words
Punctuation problem
; instead
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instead
Add a comma
instead,
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 it should be considered as an advantage
, in
Punctuation problem
. In
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fact
Punctuation problem
fact,
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 in
this
Linking Words
way
Punctuation problem
way,
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 local citizens are even more motivated to go to
museums
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 and to study
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 in
this
Linking Words
way
Add a comma
way,
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museums
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 would even gain much more money, as more
people
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 would visit them. Unlikely not everybody agrees with
this
Linking Words
 theory, in
fact
Punctuation problem
fact,
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 there are many
people
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thinking
Wrong verb form
who think
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 that
museums
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 should only contain works made by local painters, avoiding
that
Correct word choice
apply
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exposing international
paintings
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 would increase the percentage of
people
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 going to
museums
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so
Punctuation problem
, so
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 more
people
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 would be prepared and know a lot about art. For those
reasons
Add a comma
reasons,
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 I think that
museums
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 should
expose
Verb problem
exhibit
show examples
paintings
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 made by either local
artist
Fix the agreement mistake
artists
show examples
either
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 international
artists
Use synonyms
.

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Task response
Task response: State your view clearly in the first line and give 2-3 main reasons. End with a short conclusion. The essay should stay on one main idea per paragraph.
Coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence. Use simple link words to show how ideas fit, like 'also', 'but', 'so'. Break long sentences into shorter ones. Keep one main idea in each paragraph.
structure
The writer keeps a clear view from start to end.
content
Real places are used to show context.
cohesion
Some linking words help to join ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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