IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Government investment in the arts, such as music and theatre, is a waste of money. Governments must invest this money in public services instead. Do you agree or disagree?

Although
Linking Words
 the
arts
Use synonyms
 field is beneficial for both individuals and the country, some people argue that the
arts
Use synonyms
 ,
such
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 as music and theatre, are not necessary, so the government must spend more
money
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 essential
services
Use synonyms
. I partly agree with
this
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 view, because the
arts
Use synonyms
 often benefit a smaller group,
while
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 public
services
Use synonyms
 help everyone. In
this
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 essay, I will state my opinion. On the one hand, investing
money
Use synonyms
 in basic needs reflects the quality of life.
For example
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, improving hospitals and education can save lives.
Moreover
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, developing roads and public transportation helps the whole society more than music and theatre.
Therefore
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,
money
Use synonyms
 should go to essential
services
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 first.
On the other hand
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, the
arts
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 can boost economic growth.
In other words
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, music and theatre attract tourists and increase income.
For instance
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, visitors need to rent accommodation and use transportation.
Additionally
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, the
arts
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 create more opportunities for unemployed people. In conclusion, public
services
Use synonyms
 should receive more
money
Use synonyms
.
However
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, it should invest in the
arts
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 because it brings culture and economic benefits.
Therefore
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, I believe that the government should balance the budget between both
arts
Use synonyms
 and basic needs.

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task
Make your view clear from the start and stay with it to the end.
structure
Put each main idea in its own part of the essay and end with a short line that links to the next point.
content
Give one or two clear and simple examples that show the effect of money on public life.
language
Check use of pronouns. Use plain words for the audience you talk about (government, arts, money).
balance
There is a view on both sides and you say where you stand.
cohesion
Link words are used to show how ideas flow.
task response
You end with a call to balance money in big and small fields.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural enrichment
  • expression of creativity
  • promote diversity
  • enhance social cohesion
  • boost tourism
  • job creation
  • stimulate economic growth
  • improve quality of life
  • essential services
  • maintenance and development
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