IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that if old people spend time and get along with others and exercise everyday they will become fit. However these days older people are usually lonely and donot talk to others which makes them unfit and how unhappy. What are the reasons for this? How can this be resolved

In our
fast moving
Use the right word
fast-moving
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 world,
old
Use the right word
older
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 often have issues connecting with younger
people
Use synonyms
 and are often lonely. Many contend that the old generation should spend more time with others and exercise to stay healthy. The main reason for
this
Linking Words
 is social isolation
in
Change preposition
among
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elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 can be resolved by community clubs and
such
Linking Words
. Nowadays, Humans get older than they did one hundred years ago.
This
Linking Words
 is
due to
Linking Words
 better medicine and
healthier
Correct article usage
a healthier
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 lifestyle.
However
Linking Words
,
is
Use the right word
it
show examples
also
Linking Words
 means that many
people
Use synonyms
loose
Use the right word
lose
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 their long life friends and family by simply outliving them. Adding to
this
Linking Words
, being retired from work and the lack of mobility,
lead
Wrong verb form
led
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 to meeting fewer
people
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
, a
fifty year old
Use the right word
fifty-year-old
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 still has his friends around, gets to meet
people
Use synonyms
 at work and can go out to meet new
people
Use synonyms
.
Elderly
Correct article usage
The elderly
show examples
 have
less
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer
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 of these opportunities if not provided with them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, Community programs and clubs specifically aimed at older
people
Use synonyms
 can help them resocialize. Giving them the chance to meet new
people
Use synonyms
 their age, combined with certain
exercises
Punctuation problem
exercises,
show examples
 keeps them fit and healthy.
For instance
Linking Words
, having a meeting to play gotcha not only keeps them on their
legs
Check wording
feet
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 and fit, but
also
Linking Words
 helps them to use their mind by thinking about game strategies. To
summarize
Use the right word
summarise
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, offering older adults a community keeps them away from
lonliness
Correct your spelling
loneliness
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
and pushes them towards happiness. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
 it is a big issue for the elderly to fight loneliness because of loss of family and
friends
Punctuation problem
friends,
show examples
 there are certain
path
Fix the agreement mistake
paths
show examples
 to overcome
this
Linking Words
 problem.
On
Use the right word
One
show examples
 of
such
Linking Words
 is to offer meeting
croups
Use the right word
groups
show examples
 for them to stay happy and exercised.

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organization
Plan the essay with a clear map: start with the aim, then 2 strong body parts about the reasons and the solve, finish with a short end.
cohesion
Use simple links to show the flow: and, also, but, so, because, in addition.
content
Keep ideas true to old people. Do not add facts like 50 year olds as the main example. Use clear and fit examples.
language use
Check spell and form. Words like loneliness, lose need to be correct to help the beat of reading.
development
The writer keeps to the topic and gives a plan to help.
focus
The idea that being lone has a link to health is shown.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social isolation
  • Chronic health conditions
  • Urban lifestyles
  • Generational gap
  • Public transportation
  • Community programs
  • Technology barriers
  • Healthcare improvements
  • Intergenerational programs
  • Loneliness
  • Accessibility
  • Senior-friendly
  • Mobility issues
  • Elderly-friendly
  • Social interaction
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