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Writing Samples
Band 6

The charts below show the average perchentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The charts below show the average perchentages in typical meals of three types of nutrients, all of which may be unhealthy if eaten too much. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The pie charts illustrate meals of three kinds of nutrients -sodium, saturated fat, and added
suger
Correct your spelling
sugar
- , all being unhealthy if overconsumed
Linking Words
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as stating the average rate. It clearly shows
the
Correct word choice
that the
show examples
 amount of added sugar
largely
Rephrase
apply
show examples
is largely consumed as snacks,
while
Linking Words
 being between 16% and 23% in other meals, making it unhealthy.
Firstly
Linking Words
, during dinner
sodium
Punctuation problem
, sodium
show examples
 is the most consumed mineral
Punctuation problem
, being
show examples
being
Verb problem
accounting
show examples
at
Change preposition
for
show examples
 almost half of the daily sodium intake,
while
Linking Words
 breakfast and snacks are both
on
Change preposition
at
show examples
 14%.
In addition
Linking Words
, dinner is yet again almost a third of the recommended saturated fat intake. Clearly, breakfast is the healthiest meal of the day since it
stayed
Verb problem
apply
show examples
consistantly
Correct your spelling
consistently
 the lowest at almost a quarter of the daily needs.
Overall
Linking Words
, the charts show the need
of cutting
Change preposition
to cut
show examples
 back on added sugar throughout the meals since
overconumtion
Correct your spelling
overconsumption
 of any mineral is unhealthy.
Therefore
Linking Words
, people must be mindful in picking what to eat
as well as
Linking Words
 keep track
with
Change preposition
of
show examples
your
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 body's needs.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "as well as, while".
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 3 times.
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