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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people choose to quit their jobs and return to education in order to improve their skills and career prospects. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of this trend. Give your opinion.

Education and skills are essential for
career
Use synonyms
 development, and nowadays, many
people
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 tend to withdraw from their work in order to pursue
further
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 education.
This
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 essay will discuss the various advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 trend
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as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 well as justify that the
drawbacks
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 are more significant than the benefits.
To begin
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 with,
people
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 leave their
jobs
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 for various
reasons
Punctuation problem
reasons,
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 one of the main reasons is to
purse
Use the right word
pursue
show examples
 specific objectives. These goals, which often require more knowledge and developing new
skills
Punctuation problem
skills,
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 require time to be consumed effectively, which is sometimes not possible
due to
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 a working lifestyle. Many
jobs
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 ,especially
IT
Punctuation problem
IT,
show examples
 demand that employees have a professional certificate to build their confidence in their ability to do better in their
career
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 path.
Moreover
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,
this
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 can foster their opportunity to be a competitive candidate.
For example
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, a computer engineer would not be fully qualified unless they obtain a professional certificate ,
such
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 as CCNA.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 certain
drawbacks
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 for employees who quit their careers. One of the main
drawbacks
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 is that financial stability for individuals will be affected by leaving their
jobs
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.
This
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 results in more distractions that will hinder them from achieving objectives.
Although
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 leaving one's
career
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 is more suitable for younger
people
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, it would not be a good choice for elderly
people
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. They will face difficulties
such
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 as online courses, which require them to use technology and may be difficult for them.
Thus
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, older
people
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 may struggle to leave their
jobs
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 and find classes that take into consideration their abilities and limitations. In conclusion,
while
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 leaving
jobs
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 to pursue education may provide opportunities and professional advancement for individuals,
this
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 decision often leads to financial instability.
Although
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 a
career
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 break can be a good option for a certain age group, it may not benefit others, as the
drawbacks
Use synonyms
 are more significant than the potential advantages.

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clarity
Fix the basics. Be clear in the start. Say your view in the first lines and keep it to the end.
structure
In each paragraph, start with a clear idea sentence. Then add one or two points and finish with how it links to your view.
grammar
Use easier language. Check small grammar and word use (for example 'pursue' not 'purse').
content
Give more real facts or clear examples to back up ideas, not only general talk. The CCNA example helps, add one more.
structure
The essay shows a plan and tries to cover both sides.
cohesion
It uses words like 'On the other hand' and 'In conclusion' to link ideas.
content
An example is given (CCNA) to show skill.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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