IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2

Some people think that the main influence on young people's diet is advertising rather than family and friends. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In our modern era, some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that the impact of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
advertising is
major
Correct article usage
a major
show examples
 influence
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
teenage's
Check wording
teenagers'
show examples
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
show examples
 on
food
Use synonyms
 diet more than family and friends. From my perspective, I strongly agree with
this
Linking Words
 point that the advertisements in social media channels
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
induced young
people
Use synonyms
 easily,
cultural
Correct word choice
and cultural
show examples
 and familial
food
Use synonyms
 traditions high potential to influence dietary choices profoundly.
This
Linking Words
 essay will demonstrate
point
Correct article usage
a point
show examples
 and
giving
Wrong verb form
give
show examples
example
Correct article usage
an example
show examples
. In my opinion, young
people
Use synonyms
 often follow influencers and
celebritiees
Correct your spelling
celebrities
 who endorse certain
food
Use synonyms
 products because many companies use attractive and persuasive advertisements to promote unhealthy foods and drinks to them
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 it is
created
Wrong verb form
creates
show examples
 an issue
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 guardians because the
consequene
Correct your spelling
consequences
 of unhealthy
comsumsions
Correct your spelling
consumption
 are illnesses and
diceases
Correct your spelling
diseases
. Parents should
providing
Wrong verb form
provide
show examples
 young individuals with knowledge about nutrition
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 and
healthy
Correct article usage
a healthy
show examples
 lifestyle.
In addition
Linking Words
, peer pressure and trends among friends can lead to changes in young
people
Use synonyms
's diets, sometimes encouraging the adoption of poor eating habits if unhealthy foods are considered 'cool' or desirable. In
conclution
Correct your spelling
conclusion
,
Fix capitalization
although
show examples
Although
Linking Words
 eating habit from family is an essential
behavior
Use the right word
behaviour
show examples
 to convince young
Use synonyms
people'
Check wording
people's
show examples
 ideas for
food
Use synonyms
comsumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
, Social media is now a significant channel for
food
Use synonyms
 advertising, combining peer influence with commercial interest.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task management
Make a clear plan before you write. State your view in one line in the intro. Then give two real reasons and finish with a short sum up in the end.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple joining words like 'but', 'and', 'so', 'for example' to show how your ideas fit together. Check that each sentence links to the one before.
grammar
Fix big grammar and spelling mistakes. Look at one error at a time, like 'advertising' vs 'advertisement' and 'influencers' vs 'celebrities'.
lexical resource
Give a real and clear example for your point. For example, mention a known ad that made a teen hungry for a snack, or a study about ads and teen meals.
content
The essay shows a clear view that advertising has a strong pull on teens.
scope
It mentions both ads and friends as a mix of factors, which keeps the topic open.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • dietary choices
  • advertising
  • commercial interests
  • cultural traditions
  • peer influence
  • nutrition awareness
  • targeted marketing
  • endorsement
  • eating habits
  • unhealthy foods
  • social media channels
  • peer pressure
  • influencers
  • persuasive advertisements
  • nutritional knowledge
What to do next:
Look at other essays: