IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The given pie charts illustrates the propotions od visits to Ireland one year ago by age group, and by gender and type of visit.

The given pie charts illustrates the propotions od visits to Ireland one year ago by age group, and by gender and type of visit.
The pie charts
depicts
Correct subject-verb agreement
depict
show examples
 the percentages of visits to Ireland
before
Change preposition
in
show examples
Use synonyms
year
Correct article usage
the year
show examples
 by various
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 and males and
females
Punctuation problem
females,
show examples
 divided by their
pupose
Correct your spelling
purpose
 of visit.
Overall
Linking Words
,
elder
Fix the agreement mistake
elders
show examples
 and
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
proportion
Check wording
apply
show examples
was
less
Correct word choice
lower
show examples
 and younger
people
Use synonyms
 visited with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 higher percentage,
while
Linking Words
25
Correct article usage
the 25
show examples
-34 and 45-54
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 visited in the highest proportion
,
Punctuation problem
. However
show examples
however
Linking Words
,
below
Check wording
children below
show examples
 15 child`s visited the lowest in the
privious
Correct your spelling
previous
year
Use synonyms
.
In addition
Linking Words
, business visits
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 very
fewer
Replace the word
few
show examples
 in the past
year
Use synonyms
,
where
Correct word choice
while
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
leisure
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
show examples
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
both
gender
Fix the agreement mistake
genders
show examples
.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
age
Correct article usage
the age
show examples
group
Use synonyms
visited
Correct pronoun usage
that visited
show examples
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Ireland
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
year
Use synonyms
, 45-54 and 25-34
Use synonyms
age
Check wording
years
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 visited in the highest percentage
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 23, followed by 19 per cent from 35-44 years
people
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, 9 per cent
Use synonyms
people
Change preposition
of people
show examples
 visited from the two
age
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 of 16-24 and 66 and above,
while
Linking Words
 55-64 and 0-15
group
Use synonyms
 arrived in 11 and 6 per cent respectively.
Lastly
Linking Words
, by gents and ladies, female business
visit
Fix the agreement mistake
visits
show examples
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the lowest with 4%, followed by 13% of male business
tour
Fix the agreement mistake
tours
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, male
tour
Replace the word
tourists
show examples
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
laisure
Correct your spelling
leisure
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 the highest in the previous
year
Use synonyms
 with 43% and ladies with 40%
fro
Use the right word
for
show examples
 the same purpose.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
▼
Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words year, age, group, people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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