IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Mobile phones have changed the way many people communicate. Nowadays people cannot live without them if they want to be a part of society. To what extent do you think this is true? Why do you think some people have not adapted to this type of communication? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

In recent decades, the shape of
communication
Use synonyms
 has altered from ancient methods to modern methods
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 are easier and faster.
Subsequently
Linking Words
, these methods that are represented in
smart phones
Use the right word
smartphones
show examples
,
adapted
Verb problem
have adapted
show examples
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 all aspects of our life
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as work, study and
communication
Use synonyms
.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 fact, these gadgets became an important part of our daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
. I believe that change is neutral and expected, which
affects directly
Correct word order
directly affects
show examples
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
our
communication
Use synonyms
 routine and
Use synonyms
time
Correct article usage
the time
show examples
 we have spent
to be
Wrong verb form
being
show examples
 more in touch.
Initially
Linking Words
, the benefits of the new alternative are visible whether in the type of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life right now or how
this
Linking Words
 facilitates the way people communicate.
For instance
Linking Words
,in the
past
Add a comma
past,
show examples
 the family members
were
Verb problem
apply
show examples
barely
speak
Wrong verb form
spoke
show examples
 to each other if they
live
Wrong verb form
lived
show examples
 in different locations.
However
Linking Words
, relationships became stronger and closer in the current decade, the family members and friends follow the new updates from each other.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, on the work side, now it is simpler to find a new job or use your phone as a tool to be in touch with your
coworker
Fix the agreement mistake
coworkers
show examples
. It is an absolutely useful thing and provides a tangible value.
Whereas
Linking Words
, despite its advantages some people argue
this
Linking Words
 change they are looking at it as a catastrophe.
Due to
Linking Words
 the huge amount of
time
Use synonyms
 that people spend on phones.
Moreover
Linking Words
, they believe
this
Linking Words
 spring is into the
worse
Replace the word
worst
show examples
 and that
time
Use synonyms
 should be
invest
Wrong verb form
invested
show examples
 in body health and to develop our environment,
also
Linking Words
 to do traditional activities which bring real value to our society. In conclusion, the way that cell phones upgrade our
communication
Use synonyms
 and save
our
Correct pronoun usage
us
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 by making things happen quickly
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
 is impressive. For
sure
Punctuation problem
sure,
show examples
Linking Words
This
Fix capitalization
this
show examples
coincide
Correct subject-verb agreement
coincides
show examples
 with some
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
show examples
 that we can surmount
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.

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coherence
Use clear link words to connect ideas. Start with a general sentence, then use words like 'also', 'but', 'however' to join ideas.
grammar
Fix grammar errors and use simple, correct sentences. Check spaces after commas and full stops.
examples
Give more clear and full examples from life or news to support points, and explain why they show the idea.
task response
End with a short, clear conclusion that restates your view and sums up the main points.
content
The writer shows a clear aim and tries to cover both sides.
structure
There are some good examples about family, work and use of phones.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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