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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that allowing children to make thier own choices on everyday matters is likely to result in a society of individuals who only think about their own wishes. Other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There is an ongoing interest in the children about
self decision-making
Use the right word
self-decision-making
show examples
. Where
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 some people believe
,
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apply
show examples
 that it is crucial for a kid to make their own choices, others believe
this
Linking Words
 habit will make them
self-centered
Use the right word
self-centred
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss both these points
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and will explicate my opinion. To commence with, if the adolescents are allowed to choose for themselves on some daily matters, it encourages Autonomy, which is the ability to make one's own decisions. If a child decides for themself
,
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apply
show examples
 what they want to wear or how they want to work, it will make them self-independent.
This
Linking Words
also
Linking Words
 helps them to learn
,
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apply
show examples
 how to bear the consequences of a decision.
For example
Linking Words
, a kid should be allowed to decide
,
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apply
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 whether they want to save their
pocket-money
Use the right word
pocket money
show examples
 or spend it on a toy, and
then
Linking Words
 they need to learn from the outcome of their own choice.
On the contrary
Linking Words
, if a teenager is allowed to choose on every matter, it makes them entitled and stubborn. When a person has liberty of choosing on every topic, they develop a habit of having everything
,
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apply
show examples
 in their own way, which
further
Linking Words
 makes them
self-centered
Use the right word
self-centred
show examples
.
Such
Linking Words
 children show
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
show examples
 of respect
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
other's
Check wording
others'
show examples
 wishes, and become rude.
For instance
Linking Words
, if a kid is allowed to decide
everytime
Use the right word
every time
show examples
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 what show to watch in a family, they get accustomed to it, and
hence
Linking Words
 do not pay heed to
other's
Check wording
others'
show examples
opinion
Fix the agreement mistake
opinions
show examples
 in the group. Conclusively, there should be a balance between when to make a personal call and when to consider
other's
Check wording
others'
show examples
 wishes, because both these factors hold equal importance.
While
Linking Words
 allowing
to
Correct pronoun usage
one to
show examples
 make one's own decision
encourage
Correct subject-verb agreement
encourages
show examples
 autonomy,
on the other hand
Linking Words
, too much freedom in decision-making leads to entitlement.

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grammar
Fix grammar and sentence form so ideas are clear.
coherence
Make the intro clearer with your stance and avoid odd phrases.
vocabulary
Use simple and exact words; avoid long or hard words.
coherence
Put one clear idea in each paragraph and use linking words like and, but, also.
task response
Give more exact examples to support each idea.
task response
The essay shows you want to talk about both sides and adds a view.
coherence
Two body parts try to show pros and cons with examples.
structure
Conclusion says there should be balance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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