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Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, many children are overweight and unhealthy. This is a serious problem that is only getting worse. Give reasons for this and offer solutions to help this problem.

The world is a very different place
today
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 that includes the lifestyle of
children
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. Nowadays, many
children
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 are overweight and unhealthy.
This
Linking Words
 is a serious
problem
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that is
Linking Words
 only getting worse.
This
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 essay will examine the reasons for child obesity and offer solutions to address
this
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 issue. There are a number of reasons responsible for child obesity. One of the main causes is unhealthy
food
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.
Children
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today
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 eat too much fast
food
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, sweets, and soft drinks. These foods contain a large amount of sugar, fat, and oil , which adds to their
problem
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.
Second,
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children
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today
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 suffer from a lack of
excercise
Correct your spelling
exercise
. They spend far too much time on their phones, computers, and watching television. Video games or watching movies
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 replaced playing outside. Lack of physical activity remains a major
problem
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.
Finally
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, parents are busy and
pre-occupied
Use the right word
preoccupied
show examples
 with work and do not pay attention to their
children
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's behaviour.
Instead
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 of allowing fast
food
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being
Wrong verb form
to be
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 ordered, they should be cooking healthy
food
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 and
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging
show examples
 physical activity.
However
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, there are solid solutions to combat
this
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problem
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.
First,
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schools should teach health and wellness courses. They can
also
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 serve healthy meals in the cafeteria
instead
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 of junk
food
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.
Second,
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parents should control the time
children
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 spend on screens and encourage them to play sports or walk in the park. Families can
also
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 prepare healthy home meals which incorporate vegetables and fruits.
Finally
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, the government can create laws to reduce advertisements for fast
food
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 that target young people. In conclusion, it is clear to see that
children
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today
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 are unhealthy mainly because of a poor diet and a lack of physical activity.
However
Linking Words
, with the help of schools, parents, and governments,
this
Linking Words
problem
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 can be reduced. If everyone works together,
children
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 can grow up healthy and strong.

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structure
There is a clear plan. Use a simple layout with three parts: why, fix, and how.
grammar
Fix small grammar and spelling mistakes (eg 'exercise', 'have', and spacing).
content
Add a few real examples or numbers to show the idea (eg hours of screen time, meals per day).
coherence
Use simple words to connect ideas, like 'also', 'but', 'for example'.
structure
The essay has a clear plan with an introduction, body and conclusion.
content
It asks for both causes and a fix, so the topic is covered well.
coherence
Link words help the flow in parts of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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