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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below shows the percentages of three groups of Japanese children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below shows the percentages of three groups of Japanese children taking part in four kinds of activities in 2018. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The bar chart showed the proportion of Japanese
children
Use synonyms
 from three age
groups
Use synonyms
 taking part in four different activities in 2018, namely watching
TV
Use synonyms
, reading, playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, and riding a bike.
Overall
Linking Words
, watching
TV
Use synonyms
 was the most common activity across all
groups
Use synonyms
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
moreover
Linking Words
, playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 was less popular, especially the
children
Use synonyms
 that were in
age
Replace the word
aged
show examples
 12 to 16.
Children
Use synonyms
 aged 5 to 8 illustrate the highest percentages of
TV
Use synonyms
 watching, at about 95
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
, and in the other two
groups
Use synonyms
at
Punctuation problem
, at
show examples
 80
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
. Reading was
also
Linking Words
 widely
practiced
Use the right word
practised
show examples
, with participation ranging between 65
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 to 70
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 for all ages, showing only minor differences. When it comes to playing
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
, younger
children
Use synonyms
 were more involved, with about 60
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of both the 5 to 8 and 9
to11
Correct your spelling
to 11
groups
Use synonyms
 engaging in
this
Linking Words
 activity.
In contrast
Linking Words
, only 40
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
 of those aged 12 to 16 did so. A different trend can be seen in cycling
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 the oldest group reported the highest rate at about 80
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
,
whereas
Linking Words
 the two younger
groups
Use synonyms
 stood at around 65
Use synonyms
percent
Use the right word
per cent
show examples
. In summary,
while
Linking Words
TV
Use synonyms
 was the most universal activity, the
oldest
Correct word choice
older
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 tended to prefer outdoor activities
such
Linking Words
 as riding a bike, and showed less interest in
computer
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 69%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words children, groups, tv, computer, games, percent with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "showed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the second paragraph.
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