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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.

The graph below shows the proportion of the population aged 65 and over between 1940 and 2040 in three different countries. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevent.
The line graph illustrates the percentages of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
with age
Change preposition
aged
show examples
 65 and over in the USA, Sweden, and Japan from 1940 to 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, all three countries will
experiencing
Wrong verb form
experience
show examples
 a significant growth of
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the end of the period.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
 1940, old
people
Use synonyms
 in America accounted
almost
Change preposition
for almost
show examples
 9
million
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
,
it
Correct word choice
and it
show examples
continue
Wrong verb form
continued
show examples
 to
grew
Wrong verb form
grow
show examples
 to 10
million
Use synonyms
 individuals in 20 years.
Although
Linking Words
 it increased
almost
Change preposition
by almost
show examples
 15
million
Use synonyms
 in 1980, the
population
Use synonyms
 fell slightly to 14
million
Use synonyms
 and remained
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 until 2020. Afterwards, the group of
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 will
surged
Wrong verb form
surge
show examples
 to around 23
million
Use synonyms
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 the end of the period. Swedish
elder
Replace the word
elderly
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 accounted for approximately 7.5
million
Use synonyms
 individuals in 1940, and increased gradually in 1980
with
Change preposition
to
show examples
 more than 14
million
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 the
population
Use synonyms
 declined in 2000, it grew and surpassed the American elder
population
Use synonyms
 from 2000 to 2040. Japanese
people
Use synonyms
 in 1940 had around 5
million
Use synonyms
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 decreased to around 3
million
Use synonyms
 in 1960. Evidently, the
population
Use synonyms
 started
increase
Verb problem
to increase
show examples
 in 2000 and surged drastically more than five times in 2040.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "although".
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people, million, population with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "surged" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 3 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • demographics
  • population aged 65 and over
  • time span
  • initial data points
  • proportions
  • steady increase
  • stagnation
  • decline
  • sharp increase/decrease
  • trends over time
  • fastest growth
  • least change
  • projection
  • predicted proportions
  • societal impacts
  • aging population
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