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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

oday more people are overweight than ever before. What in your opinion are the primary causes of this? What are the main effects of this epidemic?

Life has changed significantly in recent years. One change is that we see more obese individuals in societies compared to the past. There are a lot of reasons for
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon, and obesity definitely has several negative consequences. Being overweight is a result of different social and individual causes. The first thing is the huge change in the
lifestyle
Use synonyms
 of
people
Use synonyms
, especially in the new millennium.
People
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 used to be more active since jobs and careers needed
people
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 to be so.
However
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, these days,
as a result
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 of advancements in technology and a change in the form of jobs,
people
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 don’t need to be active at work, and they mostly lead a sedentary
lifestyle
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, our ancestors’
food
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 interests have shifted to fast
food
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.
People
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 tended to eat healthy
food
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 like organic vegetables, dairy products, and proteins,
whereas
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 nowadays, the majority of the population prefers to have
food
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 which is easy to prepare. Unfortunately,
this
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 kind of
food
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 doesn’t have much nutritional value, and most of them are high in calories. Another cause, which should not be underestimated, is that
people
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 don’t spend enough time
for exercise
Wrong verb form
exercising
show examples
 recently.
While
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 in the past,
people
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 often went hiking and climbing because there weren’t other entertainments, in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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modern life, they are so busy, and they can’t find free time to exercise.
Therefore
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, these events lead to obesity. Having bad habits in our
lifestyle
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 creates a lot of problems. When our arteries get blocked with fat, the risk of cardiovascular disease and heart attack increases.
Similarly
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, obese
people
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 are prone to type 2 diabetes.
Hence
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, all these chronic diseases reduce the quality of our lives.
As a result
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, the mortality rate and different types of cancers rise, particularly among young
people
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.
Moreover
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, the next generation might imitate these behaviours, and in fact, it will be so harmful for their health. In conclusion,
due to
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 living in modern life and
competitive
Correct article usage
a competitive
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 world, our
lifestyle
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 has changed completely, in which we use our private vehicles, and we become so inactive and tend to eat fast
food
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 more than before to get more time to work.
Thus
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, we are more overweight, and I recommend more physical activities and avoiding high-calorie
food
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 to the new generation to promote
overall
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 health.

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task
Make your plan first. Put the main ideas in order and stick to them.
coherence
Use linking words to connect ideas, like 'also', 'however', 'for example', to guide the reader.
content
Give a clear example for each idea, not just by saying 'fast food' or 'more cars'. Give a short fact or number if you can.
structure
Check the end. A short ending sentence that sums up helps the reader see your point.
grammar
Fix long sentences. Short phrases are easier to read and classed as clear writing.
content
You give both causes and effects, so the task is covered.
structure
There is a real link between life change and obesity shown in the text.
content
Some good ideas are given, like 'sedentary life' and 'fast food'.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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