IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

coffee and tea buying and drinking habits in five cities in australia bought instant coffee bought fresh coffee went to a cafe

The given bar chart illustrates the proportion of people purchasing fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
,
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 and having
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea at cafeterias
last
Linking Words
 month in
five
Use synonyms
 Australian
cities
Use synonyms
 - Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane, Adelaide, and Hobart.
Overall
Linking Words
, it is obvious that drinking
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea at cafes was the most popular habit across the
five
Use synonyms
 given
cities
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 buying fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 was the least
favored
Use the right word
favoured
show examples
 option in the
last
Linking Words
 four weeks. Drinking
coffee
Use synonyms
 or tea at the
coffee
Use synonyms
 shop and
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 together made up the majority in all
five
Use synonyms
 surveyed
cities
Use synonyms
 of Australia. In Sydney, just over 60% of people went to the cafes and about 45% of those
buying
Wrong verb form
bought
show examples
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
last
Linking Words
 month,
while
Linking Words
 these figures for Melbourne were approximately 63% and 48%, making a gap of 15% in both
cities
Use synonyms
. The proportion
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 cafe-visitors in Hobart was nearly 63%, which was 9% higher than that of
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 buyers;
whereas
Linking Words
 a closer gap of only 3% was recorded in Brisbane.
By contrast
Linking Words
, Adelaide was the only city that witnessed a modest excess of
instant
Use synonyms
coffee
Use synonyms
 over going to cafeterias, by a mere 1%. Fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
 purchasing stood
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
 place
in
Change preposition
among
show examples
Use synonyms
five
Correct article usage
the five
show examples
mentioned
Verb problem
apply
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
 of Australia in the
last
Linking Words
 four weeks. At roughly 45%, the residents of Sydney led in buying fresh
coffee
Use synonyms
, followed by Melbourne at about 43% and Hobart at around 38%. The figures were lower in Adelaide and Brisbane, accounting for approximately 35% both, occupying the smallest share among all given
cities
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Task response: The essay keeps to the chart and uses data well. Some facts are not clear or stay in one form. keep the time words the same (last month) and check all numbers so they match the chart.
coherence and cohesion
Coherence and cohesion: The piece has a good plan with opening, view, and close. Use simple linking words and keep the same name for the same idea (cafes vs cafeterias) to help flow.
overview
Clear start and overall idea.
data analysis
Good compare of city data.
structure
Reasonable order and finish.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: