IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Some people think universities should accept equal number of male and female students in every subject. Others believe that this is an unacceptable policy. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

While
Linking Words
 some believe that colleges should
take
Verb problem
have
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the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 equal
amount
Check wording
number
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 of female students to males in every major, others argue that it is not logical to have the same
amount
Check wording
number
show examples
 of
men
Use synonyms
 and
women
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 in every subject. I believe that every
Use synonyms
person
Punctuation problem
person,
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 no matter their
Use synonyms
gender
Punctuation problem
gender,
show examples
 should have the same opportunity as others. On one hand, some think that every major
demand
Fix the agreement mistake
demands
show examples
 a certain type of requirement because each
gender
Use synonyms
 has its own privilege.
For example
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, almost every nursing student is a
Use synonyms
women
Fix the agreement mistake
woman
show examples
,
women
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 believe that they are superior to that subject more than
men
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.
In contrast
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, almost the majority of engineering students are males.
Although
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that is
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 a fact, I believe there should be an equal shot for everyone.
On the other hand
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, some say that
the
Correct article usage
a
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person
Use synonyms
's
gender
Use synonyms
 should not matter in terms of studying any major. They want equal rights and equal opportunity
to
Change preposition
in
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 every major.
For instance
Linking Words
, in
tabuk university
Fix capitalization
Tabuk University
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Use synonyms
women
Punctuation problem
, women
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 were getting
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
health
Correct article usage
the health
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 care track more than
men
Use synonyms
 by 50
Use synonyms
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 per year, but
this
Linking Words
 year
after
Punctuation problem
, after
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men
Use synonyms
protesting
Wrong verb form
protested
show examples
they
Punctuation problem
, they
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 solved the issue and got the same amount of male and female students
this
Linking Words
 year. I believe that universities should look at the
Use synonyms
person
Check wording
person's
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 skills
not
Punctuation problem
, not
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 their
gender
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. In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
some believe that
some
Correct determiner usage
one
show examples
gender
Use synonyms
 is superior in some subjects and the other is better in other subjects, it is
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
best to give everybody an equal chance and judge them on their ability
not
Punctuation problem
, not
show examples
Use synonyms
gender
Correct pronoun usage
their gender
show examples
.

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structure
Plan before writing. Make a clear plan with an intro, two body paragraphs (one for each view), then a short conclusion with your own view.
organization
Keep one main idea in each paragraph. Start with a topic sentence and add a simple reason or example.
grammar
Fix basic grammar: subject-verb and plural forms, correct articles, and use consistent tense.
lexis
Use simple, clear words. Use linking words like first, also, but, however to show how ideas are connected.
content
Give a clear example for each point and explain how it supports your view. This makes your reason more strong.
content
Your view on equality is clear.
structure
You show both sides and give a final opinion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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