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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The charts below show the proportion of holiday makers using four different types of accommodation in three years.

The charts below show the proportion of holiday makers using four different types of accommodation in three years.
The pie charts compare the
percentage
Use synonyms
 of leisure
travelers
Use the right word
travellers
show examples
 using four kinds of residences in three
various
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
years.
Overall
Linking Words
, in all three different years , the proportion of holiday makers
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
who stayed with their families
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 the largest.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of tourists rented apartments in 1988 and 1998, but these indicators changed to camping in 2008. As the charts
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
, the highest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of visitors stayed with their families
were
Correct subject-verb agreement
was
show examples
 52%, 54% and 44% in 1988, 1998 and 2008, respectively.
In the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 second rate was camping with 26% in 1988 , but
this
Linking Words
percentage
Use synonyms
 decreased to half of
them
Correct pronoun usage
that
show examples
to
Punctuation problem
, to
show examples
 13% and 12% in 1998 and 2008, respectively. The results of
travels
Replace the word
travellers
show examples
 who stayed at hotels
was
Correct subject-verb agreement
were
show examples
 15% in 1988 , but increased to 22% in 1998 and remained unchanged until 2008.
By contrast
Linking Words
, the lowest proportion of visitors rented
apartment
Fix the agreement mistake
apartments
show examples
 in
first
Correct article usage
the first
show examples
 two decades
with
Punctuation problem
, with
show examples
 7% and 11%,
Linking Words
however
Punctuation problem
however,
show examples
 it reached
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
percentage
Use synonyms
as
Change preposition
of
show examples
 hotels in 2008 . As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result , the lowest
percentage
Use synonyms
 of visitors stayed at
camping
Correct article usage
the camping
show examples
 in 2008.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words percentage with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "charts" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 6 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "stayed" was used 4 times.
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