IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

There are many reasons that can motivate a person to stay working for the same company. Some believe that money is the main reason. Do you agree or disagree?

Some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
money
Use synonyms
Is
Fix capitalization
is
show examples
 the most important
cause
Check wording
reason
show examples
 for workers to continue in their
jobs
Use synonyms
.
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
show examples
 I will present the advantages and disadvantages of
this
Linking Words
opinion
Use synonyms
, and I will explain why I see that
this
Linking Words
opinion
Use synonyms
 is wrong. On
one
Use synonyms
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 we have just
one
Use synonyms
 reason to prefer
this
Linking Words
opinion
Use synonyms
,
that is
Linking Words
because
Punctuation problem
, because
show examples
 if you have too much
Use synonyms
money
Punctuation problem
money,
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
it
show examples
 will
push's
Check wording
push
show examples
 you to be happy and satisfied.
Linking Words
this
Fix capitalization
This
show examples
opinion
Use synonyms
 is right not for all
time because the
Correct word order
the time because
show examples
money
Use synonyms
just
Verb problem
is just
show examples
one
Use synonyms
 of
much
Fix the agreement mistake
many
show examples
 reasons
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 happiness.
Linking Words
in
Fix capitalization
In
show examples
addition
Add a comma
addition,
show examples
 you can take
money
Use synonyms
 from other ways,
for
Linking Words
example
Add a comma
example,
show examples
 you can start your own business or join as a partner in a small company.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
show examples
 you will face a lot of mistakes in
this
Linking Words
say
Use the right word
way
show examples
.
For example
Linking Words
 if you look to
people
Use synonyms
 around you will find a lot of workers whose have a good job and take very good
money
Use synonyms
 throw it but they do not happy with their
jobs
Use synonyms
, that because they do not feel comfortable in their
jobs
Use synonyms
 so they go to their companies without passion and without happiness, so I think the most important cause to make
people
Use synonyms
 stay in their company is the comfort and try to work in their dream
jobs
Use synonyms
 that will make them life quality and comfortable. In
conclusion
Add a comma
conclusion,
show examples
 we must say that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 is
one
Use synonyms
 of the most important things which all
people
Use synonyms
 try to find
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in their
jobs
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
although
Punctuation problem
although,
show examples
 as I have
present
Replace the word
presented
show examples
 right now that you can not compare
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
comfort and
money
Use synonyms
 as the most important
reason
Punctuation problem
reason,
show examples
 because
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
comfort and happiness have a lot causes to
be
Verb problem
can be
show examples
 the most important reason.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task
The essay tries to show both sides, but ideas need to be clearer. State your clear view in the intro and keep it in the body.
coherence
Make the flow smoother by using linking words between ideas in each paragraph.
task
Give one or two clear examples to back each point, even small ones count.
structure
The writer uses a simple plan: intro, two body parts, and a conclusion.
strength
There is an attempt to discuss both sides of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: