IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Bringing in foregin workers to fil positions that domestic workers are unwilling to do can cause problems in the local community and should therefore be stopped. Do what extent do you agree with this?

There are some people
argue
Correct pronoun usage
who argue
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 that filling the foreign
workers
Use synonyms
 in the job that domestic
workers
Use synonyms
 are usually unwilling to do should be stopped
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
this
Linking Words
 will cause major problems in the local
community
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, I strongly disagree with
this
Linking Words
 opinion. Because
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 there are several advantages when the foreign
workers
Use synonyms
 are allocated in the local
community
Use synonyms
. The first reason is that the avoided local job is
majorly
Rephrase
mainly
show examples
 located in
less-population
Correct article usage
a less-population
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 region.
Therefore
Linking Words
, when the foreign population is increasing in the region, the local
economy
Use synonyms
 will boost. It's obvious that if the population grows, the
economy
Use synonyms
 will grow simultaneously.
Thus
Linking Words
, they can bring the
boosting
Replace the word
boost
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 in
Use synonyms
economy
Correct article usage
the economy
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 as well.
Secondly
Linking Words
, the perspective that proposes to forbid international
Use synonyms
laborers
Use the right word
labourers
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 is normally
concerning
Replace the word
concerned
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 about the
decreasing
Replace the word
decrease
show examples
 in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
domestic employment. But,
this
Linking Words
 situation will not
effect
Use the right word
affect
show examples
on
Change preposition
apply
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the employment. Because the international
workers
Use synonyms
 are usually working
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
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 different part of
labor
Use the right word
labour
show examples
 from
domestic
Correct article usage
the domestic
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 one.
For example
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 a bunch of countries
that
Linking Words
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 enormously
depending
Replace the word
dependent
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 on international
workers
Use synonyms
 economically
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as South Korea, Australia,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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 United Arab Emirates.
That the
Change preposition
The
show examples
 domestic
Use synonyms
laborers
Use the right word
labourers
show examples
 are mainly working at the offices
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 at the same
time
Punctuation problem
time,
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 people from abroad are working
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
agriculture
Replace the word
agricultural
show examples
part
Check wording
sector
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 kind of situation will not harm
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
domestic
Use synonyms
laborers
Use the right word
labourers
show examples
.
Finally
Linking Words
, when the foreign
Use synonyms
laborers
Use the right word
labourers
show examples
 fill the local
society
Use synonyms
,
multi-cultural
Correct article usage
a multi-cultural
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society
Use synonyms
 will be formed in the
community
Use synonyms
. I assume the multi-cultural
society
Use synonyms
 will be better than before. Since
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
Use synonyms
 becomes more
variously
Replace the word
varied
show examples
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
equality is developed as well. In conclusion, for those reasons, I firmly believe that the public who are from abroad can bring advantages.
For instance
Linking Words
, they can boost the local
economy
Use synonyms
, make the region diverse compared to the past. These mean that they are
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
member of our
community
Use synonyms
.

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structure
Plan your answer. Start with a clear statement of view. Then add 2-3 reasons with simple proof.
language
Use plain word on each line. Check grammar and fix mistakes.
content
Give exact and clear examples to back your point.
coherence
Link ideas smoothly with small words and logical steps.
task
End with a short, clear wrap up of your view.
content
You show a clear view on the issue.
structure
You use sign post words like First, Secondly, Finally, In conclusion.
coherence
The idea is easy to follow most of the time.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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