IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that the government should fund training courses for performing arts such as music, dance and arts lessons for children. Others think that they should be funded by private businesses or by children's families. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

These days, the popularity of performing
arts
Use synonyms
 like music and dance
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing.
Linking Words
Thus
Punctuation problem
Thus,
show examples
 many
children
Use synonyms
 want to learn the performing
arts
Use synonyms
. Regarding
this
Linking Words
 trend, some people believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should support the
children
Use synonyms
 to get performing
arts
Use synonyms
 training,
while
Linking Words
 Others insist that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 do not need to fund them. Personally, I believe that
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should fund the
chidren
Correct your spelling
children
. On the one hand,
Use synonyms
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should fund
children
Use synonyms
 who want
learn
Verb problem
to learn
show examples
 performing
arts
Use synonyms
. Today, many
children
Use synonyms
 want a job as an artist
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as
singer
Correct article usage
a singer
show examples
and
Correct word choice
or
show examples
 dancer.
However
Linking Words
, the

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task response
The essay needs a clear stance in the intro and a short conclusion that restates your view.
coherence cohesion
Plan with 3 parts: intro, body for each view, then a final conclusion restating your view. Use simple linking words.
language use
Fix grammar and spelling mistakes, use correct verb forms, and keep to simple sentence forms.
content
You show a clear view that the government should fund children.
content
You mention both sides of the issue, showing awareness of the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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