IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

We are becoming increasingly dependent on computer-based technology. How do you think it will change in the future? Is it good for us to rely so much on computer?

Life has shifted toward becoming easier. One of the significant changes is that computer-based
technology
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 is needed for all
the
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apply
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aspects of our
life
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lives
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. In my opinion,
technology
Use synonyms
 will dominate many careers, and it’s not good for us to rely on
computer
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computers
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 completely. I am going to elaborate on
this
Linking Words
 in the following.
Due to
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 high demand for computer-based
technology
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, more scientists think about innovating more products, which can meet people’s needs. I think not only
we will
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will we
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 see more computer-based devices in different fields, but
also
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 they will change our lifestyle entirely.
Moreover
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, various
kind
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kinds
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 of robots will be going to be created. Despite the fact that some of them will help us in different situations, they will
be often
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often be
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so
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apply
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intelligent
to
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enough to
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 replace humans in the future.
For example
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, they will have an important role in
industry
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the industry
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.
Therefore
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, they will be able to produce large quantities at high speed, and the human error will be reduced in difficult situations, because they will be equipped
to
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with
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 special programs. Another thing which should not be underestimated is that
,
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apply
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 some jobs will
be
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apply
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disappear
due to
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 these advances. Because of
this
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, the unemployment rate will grow, and
living
Replace the word
life
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 will be difficult for certain groups of society.
On the other hand
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, I think it is not good for us to overlook that much of the data used in computer-based
technology
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 relies on the momentary knowledge of the producers.
As a result
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, we don’t have to trust them totally, especially for critical fields like medical and healthcare.
Although
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 helpful, most of the robotic devices cannot diagnose
the
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apply
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diseases and operate correctly.
Consequently
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, if we just consider their diagnoses, we will likely encounter negative effects, and in some
cases
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cases,
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 loss of life. In conclusion, I think
although
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 our convenient lives in the modern world are owed to computer-based
technology
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, I recommend limiting its use in some areas to avoid harmful effects.

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Task Response
To raise your score, state your view clearly at the start and answer both parts of the question. Add more strong, clear ideas and show proof for them.
Coherence & Linking
Link ideas better. Group ideas in each paragraph and use linking words to show how one idea leads to the next.
content
The writer shows a view on both good and bad use of tech.
structure
There is a plan with an intro, body and a short end.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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