IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people eat far too many meals at fast food restaurants. Give the advantages and disadvantages of fast food restaurants.

Society is very different today , especially after the fast meal became popular . Today ,
people
Use synonyms
 are eating so much fast
food
Use synonyms
 or unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 .
In
Change preposition
At
show examples
this
Linking Words
time
Use synonyms
 the fast
food
Use synonyms
 very popular thing. The essay will examine the advantages and the disadvantages of fast
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
, especially McDonald’s restaurant . On the one hand,
Correct article usage
a
show examples
fast meal has many advantages , and in
this
Linking Words
 body I will talk about the advantages of
fast
Correct article usage
a fast
show examples
 meal .
First,
Linking Words
in Gulf
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
 the fast meal is made in less
time
Use synonyms
 and very quickly in ten minutes max. These why fast
food
Use synonyms
 like
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
KFC, MacDonbald’s is so popular in the Gulf countries ,that’s why
people
Use synonyms
 like the quick, ready
food
Use synonyms
 . On top of that, not only less
time
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 good taste.
Secondly
Linking Words
, some fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants use less oil to reduce calories and improve
people
Use synonyms
's energy .
In addition
Linking Words
, many fast
food
Use synonyms
 restaurants give humans good value
,
Punctuation problem
.
show examples
 Sometimes,
people
Use synonyms
 prefer fast
food
Use synonyms
than
Change preposition
to
show examples
 unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 because of the good service , quick
time
Use synonyms
 , and good taste.
Finally
Linking Words
 , the fast
food
Use synonyms
not
Verb problem
is not
show examples
 only unhealthy
food
Use synonyms
 has many good foods and less oil
On the other hand
Linking Words
 ,
first,
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
fast
food
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 many disadvantages for human health. If
people
Use synonyms
increasingly
Verb problem
are increasingly
show examples
 eating fast
Use synonyms
food
Punctuation problem
food,
show examples
 the immune
system
Use synonyms
becomes
Verb problem
apply
show examples
deterioration. Second,
People
Use synonyms
 should reduce eating fast
meal
Fix the agreement mistake
meals
show examples
 to
become
Verb problem
strengthen
show examples
the
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 immune
system
Use synonyms
better
Rephrase
apply
show examples
. Must stay away from fast
food
Use synonyms
 to become better ,
this
Linking Words
 thing
not
Verb problem
is not
show examples
 good for the human body .
In addition
Linking Words
, maybe
some
Use the right word
sometimes
show examples
time
Use synonyms
 if
people
Use synonyms
eating
Wrong verb form
eat
show examples
 so much
food
Use synonyms
 and chemical
Use synonyms
food
Punctuation problem
food,
show examples
 they will have cancer , and their immune
system
Use synonyms
becomes
Verb problem
apply
show examples
deterioration , and sickness .
However
Linking Words
, if humans continue to eat fast
food
Use synonyms
the
Punctuation problem
, the
show examples
 calories
going
Verb problem
are going
show examples
 to increase .
Finally
Linking Words
 ,
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should manage rules to reduce the fast
food
Use synonyms
 issue in the country to reduce the weight and
also
Linking Words
 reduce the calories to have
Correct article usage
a health
show examples
health
Replace the word
healthy
show examples
 society . In conclusion , I
advice
Replace the word
advise
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 not to
get more
Verb problem
gain
show examples
 weight, and to reduce eating fast
food
Use synonyms
 , so that
people
Use synonyms
 can get a strong immune
system
Use synonyms
.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
show examples
 I advise
people
Use synonyms
had
Wrong verb form
to have
show examples
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 body to eat two times
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a week only to keep
our
Correct pronoun usage
their
show examples
 health better.

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structure
Plan your writing with four clear parts: intro, two body parts, and a short end.
structure
Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence and end with a short line that sums the idea.
cohesion
Link ideas with simple words like and, but, also, then.
content
Give not too many ideas in one paragraph. Stick to one idea per sentence.
content
Use real examples and simple facts to prove your point.
content
The essay talks about both sides of the issue.
content
There are some real examples like Gulf countries and McDonald's.
structure
There is a clear end with advice.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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