IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart below gives information about how many European citizens of various age groups frequently went to the gym from 1990 to 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The chart below gives information about how many European citizens of various age groups frequently went to the gym from 1990 to 2010. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The chart illustrates
proportions
Correct article usage
the proportions
show examples
 of different age groups who go to
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
show examples
 once a month or more from 1990 to 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
18
Correct article usage
the 18
show examples
-24 age
group
Use synonyms
 shows fluctuations
especially
Punctuation problem
, especially
show examples
at the end
Linking Words
 of the given period,
whereas
Linking Words
25
Correct article usage
the 25
show examples
-34
Use synonyms
group
Check wording
age group
show examples
 experiences
sharp
Correct article usage
a sharp
show examples
 increase, and
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
-44, 45 and over
Use synonyms
Check wording
age group
show examples
group
Fix the agreement mistake
groups
show examples
 rise slightly throughout the given period. On one hand, the percentage of the youngest
group
Use synonyms
 starts at approximately 9% and increases dramatically until close to 60% in 2006;
however
Linking Words
, the number decreases to roughly 50% in 2008, and shows a recovery again to 60% in 2010.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
25
Correct article usage
the 25
show examples
-34 age bracket enjoys
upward
Correct article usage
an upward
show examples
 trend throughout the given period,
it starts
Wrong verb form
starting
show examples
 from around 9%
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 and
increases
Wrong verb form
increasing
show examples
 rapidly
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 50% in 2010.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, both
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
-44
group
Use synonyms
 and
45
Correct article usage
the 45
show examples
 and over
Check wording
group start
show examples
start
Wrong verb form
started
show examples
 from 4% in 1990
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 the former
increases
Replace the word
increased
show examples
until
Change preposition
to
show examples
 40%,
while
Linking Words
 the latter grows its number until 22%
in
Change preposition
by
show examples
 2010. The proportion of
35
Correct article usage
the 35
show examples
-44 category doubled the number of
45
Correct article usage
the 45
show examples
 and over
group
Use synonyms
 in 2010.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words group with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "proportions" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increase" was used 4 times.
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