IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

You are interested in attending a training course abroad but require financial support to do so. Write a letter to the education department requesting financial assistance. In your letter •introduce yourself •describe the training course and how it would benefit your work •explain why you need financial assistance.

Dear Sir/Madam, I am writing
this
Linking Words
 letter to request
for
Change preposition
apply
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a scholarship that would increase my career success chances. I am Bableen Kaur
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 I currently work as a health care assistant (
HCA
Use synonyms
). I wanted to apply for the bridging program for
licenced
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licensed
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practional
Correct your spelling
practical
 nurse (
LPN
Use synonyms
)
but
Punctuation problem
, but
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 I do not have sufficient funds to
foster
Verb problem
further
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 my education. There is a
12 month
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12-month
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 bridging program for
Use synonyms
HCA's
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HCAs
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 to transform their career to become
a
Correct article usage
an
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LPN
Use synonyms
. If
i
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I
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 upgrade my course into the
LPN
Use synonyms
,
It
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it
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 would take me one step up to my goal of becoming a nurse
practiotioner
Correct your spelling
practitioner
, which was my dream since I was a little child.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the pay rate of
a
Correct article usage
an
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LPN
Use synonyms
 is higher than the
Use synonyms
HCA
Correct article usage
an HCA
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and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it would help me pay my rent effectively.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, I need financial assistance because I am an international student and my parents do not live here, so I have rented an
appartment
Correct your spelling
apartment
 in Surrey.
Although
Linking Words
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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i
Fix capitalization
I
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 manage my rent and groceries fairly with my pay as
a
Correct article usage
an
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HCA
Use synonyms
,
still I
Correct word order
I still
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 need some money to
fulfill
Use the right word
fulfil
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 my needs
at the end
Linking Words
 of the month. I would appreciate your help
to look
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in looking
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 into my case. Yours
Sincerely
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sincerely
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, Bableen Kaur

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task response
Explain you want to study in another country and name the place and the course clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Fix mistakes in spelling and grammar. Use I for I, and capital LPN; break ideas into short lines; use one idea per paragraph.
tone
Polite tone with a formal address and closing.
content
Gives reasons why the course helps the job.
content
Shows need for money and plan to pay rent.
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