IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Nowadays many people are sleeping fewer hours than before. Why is this happening? What are the consequences of this?

One of
widely
Correct article usage
the widely
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 discussed issues nowadays is
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of sleep hours. It is undeniable that we sleep less
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 because of
technologies
Use synonyms
, which have become a key part of our
Use synonyms
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 believe that at
hight
Use the right word
height
show examples
 they will
be
Verb problem
apply
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get an enormous motivation and new ideas
to
Change preposition
on
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 how to enhance their
life
Use synonyms
. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will look at
consequences
Correct article usage
the consequences
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 and effects of
sleping
Correct your spelling
sleeping
 less related to
given
Correct article usage
the given
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 reasons. One of the main causes of decreasing sleeping hours nowadays is
Correct article usage
the affect
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affect
Use the right word
effect
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 of
development
Correct article usage
the development
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 of
technologies
Use synonyms
including
Punctuation problem
, including
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 artificial
intelligences
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intelligence
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.
and
Fix capitalization
And
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 screen times rise of screen times like TV or smartphones
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 something like that. Ine second cause that might be noted , in my view,
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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night
Use synonyms
 quirks.
People
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 usually can not sleep at
night
Use synonyms
 by reason of the number of
motivation
Fix the agreement mistake
motivations
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that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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they
getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 at
night
Use synonyms
.
Throughfore
Correct your spelling
Through
people
Use synonyms
's
brain
Fix the agreement mistake
brains
show examples
 generating new ideas and innovations.
However
Linking Words
,
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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 next
day
Add a comma
day,
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 most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 do not realise that ideas. The first cause mentioned above has led to a lot of negative consequences, like stress
Punctuation problem
, productivity-coss
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productivity-coss
Use the right word
productivity
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 and sometimes to burnouts.
People
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 use
technologies
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 to make
more
Fix the agreement mistake
apply
show examples
easier their
Correct word order
their life easier
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life
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, but they do not see that
technologies
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 take a lot of time
by
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with
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 their content and
number
Correct article usage
the number
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 of
informations
Correct your spelling
information
.
This
Linking Words
 cause usually contributed to
productivity-coss
Use the right word
productivity
show examples
.
Check wording
costs.
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People
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 think less by using
gadjets
Correct your spelling
gadgets
, as
the
Correct article usage
a
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 result
the
Punctuation problem
, the
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 brain
starting
Wrong verb form
starts to
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 decrease
impoirs
Correct your spelling
important
 thinking. Another problem that follows is that
people
Use synonyms
thinking
Wrong verb form
think
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 more
non-standart
Correct your spelling
non-standard
 often at
night
Use synonyms
. One of the consequence of
this
Linking Words
 are burnouts and
bad
Correct word choice
poor
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 well-being. Individuals estimate their
life
Use synonyms
 at
night
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, like what
should they
Correct word order
they should
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 do
improve
Verb problem
to improve
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 it
these
Punctuation problem
; these
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thine kings
Correct your spelling
things
affeet
Correct your spelling
affect
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
's lack of
realization
Use the right word
realisation
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 of
life
Use synonyms
 needs. Having weighed everything mentioned up, we can
cone
Use the right word
come
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 to a conclusion that
Use synonyms
people
Check wording
people's
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 modern lifestyles will be different from the past. So it would not be surprising to see lazy
people
Use synonyms
 in the near future.
In other words
Linking Words
, individuals will
be
Verb problem
apply
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control their sleeping hours
,
Punctuation problem
;
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 it is all dependent
for
Change preposition
on
show examples
 yourselves.

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task response
To raise task response, add a clear thesis, state the main ideas, and give more specific examples.
coherence
To improve coherence, use a simple, clear paragraph for each idea with topic sentences and linking words.
content
There is an attempt to discuss causes and effects.
linguistic
There is some use of linking words to join ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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