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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999.

The graph below shows the percentage of households with different kinds of technology in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999.
The line chart illustrates the percentage of households, showing the changes of these five different technologies in the U.S. from 1995 to 1999.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it's
Verb problem
it
show examples
highlighting
Wrong verb form
highlights
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 the upward trend and some detailed differences among
these
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 given data.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the percentage of washing machines had a steady growth,
while
Linking Words
 the data of computers was
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
a
Correct article usage
the
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 same path.
Washing
Correct article usage
The washing
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 machine
was rising
Wrong verb form
rose
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 from 60% to 80%,
whereas
Linking Words
computer
Correct article usage
the computer
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was starting
Verb problem
rose
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 from 40%, the second highest in 1995, and ending by 70%, becoming the third highest in 1999. The percentage of
phone
Fix the agreement mistake
phones
show examples
 had experienced a rapid increase, it was 18% in 1995 and 75% in 1999, ultimately reaching the second place of the ranking.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the proportion of DVD
player
Fix the agreement mistake
players
show examples
was
Verb problem
apply
show examples
fluctuated during
this
Linking Words
 period. It dropped to
the
Correct pronoun usage
its
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 lowest in 1996 and 1999, reaching
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
15% and 40% respectively. The internet
using
Verb problem
apply
show examples
was growing gradually
Punctuation problem
, that
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that
Correct word choice
as
show examples
 can be seen
,
Punctuation problem
;
show examples
 it reached 50% and was higher than the
internets
Fix the agreement mistake
internet
show examples
 in 1999.

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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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