IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

2013.11.09 The environment problems facing today's world are so great that there is little ordinary people can do to improve the situation. Government and large companies should be responsible for reducing the amount of damage being done to the environment. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Environmental degradation has become one of the most pressing challenges of our time. Some argue that ordinary
individuals
Use synonyms
 can do very little to improve the situation, and that
government
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 and large
corporations
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 should take the main responsibility.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before outlining my own view. It is true that
governments
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 and
corporations
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 play a crucial role in solving environmental problems. The
government
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's policies have guided the sewage treatment of large companies. Large enterprises emit substantial amounts of sewage and toxic gases on a daily basis, as ordinary people cannot possibly
manufacture
Verb problem
do
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. If
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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 implement
relative
Correct word choice
relevant
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 polices
such
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 as more taxes or restrict regulations,
can
Correct pronoun usage
it can
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 draw enterprises' attention to pollutant treatment and reduce a significant amount of pollution to a certain extent.
However
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, we should
also
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 not overlook the role that ordinary people play in environmental issues.
For instance
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, the growing demand for eco-friendly products has already forced many companies to adopt more sustainable practices.
Thus
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, collective action by
individuals
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 can drive systemic change. In my opinion, both
governments
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 and
individuals
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 must take responsibility, but
governments
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 and
corporations
Use synonyms
 should lead the way.
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Government
Correct article usage
The government
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 should introduce strong guiding principles,
while
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individuals
Use synonyms
 must adjust their daily habits and support
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government
Correct article usage
the government
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. In conclusion,
although
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governments
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 and
corporations
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 have the ability to tackle environmental challenges, the efforts of
individuals
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 are
also
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 essential. Real progress can only be achieved through joint responsibility and cooperation at all levels of society.

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coherence
You address the topic and give both sides, and state your view. To be clearer, add more direct links between ideas in each paragraph and use simple, plain words.
structure
State your main idea in the introduction and restate it in the end. Give one strong point per paragraph and explain it with a small example.
content
You make a clear view that leaders should guide the work, with people helping.
structure
There is a smooth move from the start to the end, with a clear ending.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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