IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is the best to encourage children to have a healthy diet at school while others believe that parents should be the ones to teach children to have healthy diet. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There is debate over who teaches youth to have knowledge about fresh
food
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, with some saying
teachers
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 give data about it and others arguing that
parents
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 have a big role in
this
Linking Words
 position. In my opinion,
while
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parents
Use synonyms
 have effects, tutors still have many benefits
to get
Change preposition
in getting
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 a balanced diet.
Teachers
Use synonyms
 can inspire
children
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 to follow a nutritious diet.
This
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 is because educators greatly affect pupils to teach healthy diets in
school
Punctuation problem
school,
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 because pupils spend a large part of their day at school
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the
food
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 offered in canteens is well balanced. If
teachers
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 provide details about balanced meals and limit junk
food
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, students will be guided towards better eating habits.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
teachers
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 can give lessons or points about nutrition, which develops their awareness about the importance of a wholesome diet.
On the other hand
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,
parents
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 have
great
Correct article usage
a great
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 influence on
children
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’s lifestyles. Young people usually eat their breakfast and dinner at home, so
parents
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 are the ones who buy vegetables and fruits.
Also
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,
parents
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 have to prepare clear
food
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 and explain why it is so important for human life;
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then
Punctuation problem
then,
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children
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 often follow these habits.
In addition
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, youths must be provided a lunchbox by
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parents
Correct pronoun usage
their parents
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 to carry their daily healthy
food
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.
Moreover
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,
children
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 often copy their
parents
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’ behaviour, so they set a good example themselves in
this
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 process. In my opinion, both sides should work together, but
parents
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 play a more significant role.
Teachers
Use synonyms
 can provide knowledge and opportunities, but without the support of
parents
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, these efforts may not be effective.
Therefore
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, a combination of school education and parental guidance is the best way to help
children
Use synonyms
 develop healthy eating habits.

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coherence
Make the flow clearer by linking each idea to the next with simple, clear ties.
structure
Open with a clear view and end with a short wrap that restates your main point.
content
Add more specific examples for each claim so ideas feel stronger and more real.
language
Fix small grammar errors and choose easier word pairs to avoid odd phrasing.
language
Keep sentences short and use plain words to help readers follow.
content
The essay asks and answers the question well and shows a clear view.
structure
The use of linking words like 'On the other hand' helps show ideas are connected.
content
You show balance by giving both sides and then give your own view.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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