IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

school should focus on teaching students how to be successful in the workforce and less helping them achieve academic success To what extend do you agree or disagree?

There is a debate over people that whether educational places should concentrate on workplace achievement or only on studying in a normal way. I consider that being successful is up to the way individuals learnt at school
,
Punctuation problem
;
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however
Linking Words
, techniques of being successful are much more essential. There should be a balance over them. These days, the demand for academic skills is high in universities. Many educational places are aimed at giving as much knowledge as they can. Schools only give essentially valuable theory-related data , which sometimes may seem unnecessary
data
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apply
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. It is true that many scientists or pioneers became well-known and successful by relying on science. Science broadens
population’s
Correct article usage
the population’s
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 horizons and deepens their perceptions about the world. It will create some opportunities for future careers and
the
Correct article usage
a
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 significant amount of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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money.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, most public consider that schools should only concentrate on the future incomes of youth. To make it more recognisable, the school administration should add
up
Change preposition
apply
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a specific lesson, persuading them that schools are developing and encouraging the future of their students. As mentioned, those subjects should only focus on distributing the tips
for
Change preposition
to
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 them as much as they believe they can. Not only teachers but
also
Linking Words
 successful
crowd
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people
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 should encourage children to be initiative. As long as principals pay attention to work jobs, the learners will one day those community can invest money in turn. In conclusion, there should be specific lessons in math or mother tongue, in order to strike a balance between life-related studies and academic studies

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task response
Plan your essay with a clear plan. State your view at the start, give why, and then a short example.
coherence
Use one clear idea in each paragraph. Start with a topic sentence that shows the main point. Use simple links like 'First', 'Also', 'But', 'In conclusion'.
task response
Stick to the task. The question asks about balance. Say if you agree or not, and how far, then give reasons.
task response
Use easy examples to show your point. Talk about school rules, work, money, life later.
grammar
Check grammar and form. Use shorter sentences to avoid errors. Punctuation helps readers see your ideas.
strength
The write tries to show a balance between study and work.
strength
The essay uses some linking words to join ideas.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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