IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The international community must act immediately to ensure all nations to reduce their consumption of fossil fuels e.g. gas and oil. To what extent do you agree/ disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to explain your choice.

It is undeniable that changes in society may lead to a wide range of opportunities and difficulties. The global community must act instantaneously to ensure
all
Correct word choice
that all
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 countries
to
Verb problem
apply
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reduce their consumption of gasoline. I partially agree with the statement, as it offers certain benefits to the environment,
it
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but it
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also
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 brings several drawbacks to individuals and society.
This
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 essay will discuss both views. On the
one
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 hand, there are several merits of reducing the consumption of petrol, but
one
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 of the most
prominant
Correct your spelling
prominent
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one
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ones
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 is that it reduces carbon emission
which
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, which
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 is
primary
Correct article usage
the primary
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 cause of global warming.
This
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 means that if the government increases the price of gas and
oil
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oil,
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then
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 individuals prefer to use public
transport
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instead
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 of public
transport
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, which directly reduces carbon output.
Moreover
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, the government can use extra revenue to make public
transport
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 more convenient and flexible.
For instance
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, many European countries
increase
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have increased
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 the price of oil
,
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;
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as a
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result
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result,
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 people prefer to use electric cars
which
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, which
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 eco-friendly and affordable.
On the other hand
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, despite these positive aspects, there are several drawbacks associated with
this
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.
One
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 of the most notable demerits is that it causes
financial
Correct article usage
a financial
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 burden on citizens.
In other words
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,
due to
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 high taxes on fossil fuels, middle and low-class families are facing financial burden because public
transport
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 fares are expensive and make their commuting difficult.
Additionally
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, other alternative methods are required to tackle the environmental problems,
such
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 as plastic ban, strict rules and regulations and proper recycling process.
For example
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, in India, many states ban plastic and inclied towards paper bag and cloth
bag
Fix the agreement mistake
bags
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which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 decrease the pollution level. In conclusion,
although
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reduction
Correct article usage
a reduction
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 in
consumption
Correct article usage
the consumption
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 of fossil
fuel
Fix the agreement mistake
fuels
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 has various advantages,
such
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 as low carbon dioxide and greenhouse gases, it
also
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 has several drawbacks,
such
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 as economic burden on families, which should not be ignored.
Therefore
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, I partially agree and believe that it is important to strike a balanced approach so that the merits outweigh the demerits.

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task
Plan the idea first. Start with your view, then give a clear reason for it. End with a short, firm end.
lexical
Use less mix of names gas petrol and fuel. Each time pick one form and stay with it.
coherence
Link your ideas well. Use words like 'also', 'however', 'for example', to show how ideas go to next. Make each paragraph focus on one idea.
grammar
Check spell and form. Words like 'prominant' and 'inclied' can make you look wrong.
stance
The writer shows a clear view on the topic and gives a stated position.
structure
There is an introduction and a conclusion that frame the work.
content
Some examples are used to show points for both sides.
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