Some people think that all students should be required to study art and music in school. Others believe that it is not as important as other subjects like science and mathematics. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

I fully agree that
art
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and
music
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should be taught in
school
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school,
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as
it
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they
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provides
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provide
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a crucial outlet for emotional expression and
opens
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open
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up the creative side of
individuals
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.
Firstly
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, throughout human history, people have used
art
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and
music
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to express and communicate complex emotions.
For example
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, a slow and melodic song can convey feelings of sadness and loneliness,
whereas
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a song with a rapid tempo and loud drums is often associated with rage or battle.
This
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demonstrates how ancient
civilizations
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civilisations
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could express sentiments to each other without sharing a spoken language.
Furthermore
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,
this
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form of communication is
also
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evident in the animal world, where birds use distinct calls to attract a mate or intimidate an opponent.
Therefore
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,
art
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and
music
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are not simply forms of entertainment; they are a fundamental way of expressing feelings and a primitive yet powerful form of communication.
Secondly
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,
music
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and
art
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can foster the creative side of
individuals
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.
For instance
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, drawing a picture without a final version in mind can produce unique and personal
art
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, helping to
visualize
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visualise
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people's thoughts and feelings. Studies have shown that
individuals
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who engage in these creative pursuits tend to have better problem-solving skills than those who do not.
In addition
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, the process of creating
art
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can help to project complex, real-life problems onto a canvas, making them more visible and,
therefore
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, more solvable. In summary, creating
art
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is not simply a hobby; it brings out the creative side of
individuals
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, helping them to not only express their emotions but
also
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to develop practical skills for navigating life's challenges. In conclusion,
it is clear that
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music
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and
art
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have always been a fundamental way to express and communicate complex emotions and
also
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support practical skill development for life’s challenges.
Therefore
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, these subjects are just as important to learn in school as science and mathematics are.

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task response
Add a short note on possible limits or a counter view about making art and music compulsory.
coherence
Link ideas more tightly to the main point with clearer bridge words so each part reads as one line of thought.
lexical resource
Some word choice is a bit hard or long. Use simple, common words where you can.
task response
Clear view kept from start to end.
organization
Two main ideas are clear and have good support.
coherence
Good use of 'Firstly', 'Secondly', and 'In conclusion' to show order.
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