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Band 3.5

Why do many people nowadays struggle to get enough sleep? What problems can this cause?

Recently, there have been a lot of people upset because they can’t sleep enough or quickly. In my opinion, there are two cases that make dive into sleep difficult. The first one, phone addiction , and the other one is staying up late.
Firstly
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, there are students who prefer studying at night.
For example
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, before exams , projects and
quizzes
Punctuation problem
quizzes,
show examples
 they stay awake for
long
Correct article usage
a long
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 time even after studying or working , which makes them think they can handle it and do it on time. Unfortunately, they don’t know it will impact their health.
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Also
Add a comma
Also,
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 make themselves used to
this
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 bad habit. One of the biggest problems is that headaches are painful
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 you can’t stay focused.
Secondly
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, the blue light from electronic devices affects our sleep, especially if we use them right before bedtime.
This
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 kind of light reduces the production of melatonin, the hormone that helps us fall asleep.
Therefore
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, experts recommend stopping the use of phones or screens at least two hours before going to bed. In conclusion, we must be careful of our health and sleep.
Also
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 balancing between work, study and play with sleep. If we sleep well, we will do whatever we want to do the next day.

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grammar
Fix bad lines by using clear and short sentences. Check subject and verb in each sentence.
structure
Make a simple plan before writing: intro with topic, two body parts for the reasons, and a short conclusion.
coherence
Keep one idea per sentence and use commas to join ideas.
content
Give more clear examples for each idea and link them to how they cause trouble with sleep.
content
Use more facts about sleep that stay simple and true, such as how not sleeping well can make you tired the next day.
content
Two clear ideas are chosen.
structure
There is an intro and a conclusion.
lexical
The blue light fact is good and clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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